Feeling Resolute?

I guess you could say my New Year's resolution this year is to add one thing a week to my daily routines to inch me toward what an "ideal" day might look like.  So each week, I add one thing to my morning, and one thing to my evening.

So far, it's been:

Week 1 - established consistent wake up and bed times.

Week 2 - scripture first, floss

This is Week 3.  Week 3's resolution is "wipe up".  When I'm done in the bathroom in the morning, I'll return all my stuff to my drawer, grab a cloth or towel I used that morning, and give the counter a quick once-over.  Same at night.

But the thing that will take WAY more resolve this week?

the sleep training.

It's just not working.  And by it, I mean me.

I can't stick to it.

Mostly because I want to tell the sleep doula lady to take her plan and shove it.

So.  We decided tonight that I need to come up with the plan, and James will implement it,
but I need to be behind it.

The plan basically is no nursing at night, because when he wakes up, that's what he wants, so we need to break the association of
nursing = sleeping.

(I know lots of you have all kinds of opinions on that, but our family needs a solid night's sleep to function with our current commitments, and I'm pretty sure this is the only way we're gonna get it).

Instead of nursing, one of us (James) will pat his back and "shhhh" him, slowly removing the patting and just "shhhh"ing, then moving the "shhh"ing into the hall.

(I've been "shhhhhh"ing for an hour and half.  I'm currently on the floor outside his bedroom door "shhhhh"ing.  and I'm still in my work clothes.
and my house is a mess.
and the babysitter's coming here tomorrow.
and there are currently no lunches made for tomorrow.
and the diapers need to be washed.)

So, the resolution of the week is "wipe up."

But the real resolve is required to get through this week's sleep plan.

And release my grip on all that stuff that I can't change right now.

A Day's Delights

Today was one of those days that just couldn't have been much better.

One of those wonderful, ordinary, lovely days in which nothing extra special happens, but is full of all kinds of things that are so very special.

Today was a long time coming, the first day I've had off after working 10 in a row.

And it was good.  

Kind of like God said it would be when he mandated rest.

That God.  So wise.

The Saint of a husband of mine let me sleep in.

Around 9:00, two smiling faces accompanied a giant cup of coffee into my bedroom.

And we all crawled in, and snuggled, and sang "head and shoulders knees and toes", and tickled, and giggled, and the coffee got cold, and I couldn't have been happier.

(Haydon touched his own head for the first time today as we sang - I was so excited to see him making that connection!)

Then I and the boy went for a walk down Ottawa Street.

And I love Ottawa Street.

(as my husband said the other day - I wish there were more "love" words in the English language, 'cause when I see that written down, it looks silly putting love next to a street when 

I love God 

and I love my son 

and I love good books

...but you get the idea)

We strolled, and we browsed, and we chatted with shop-owners and artists, and I bought clothes, and my boy got to play, and then we walked home in the sunshine 'cause I missed the bus by about 30 seconds, and figured I might as well spend the next half hour getting some exercise in the sunshine rather than standing in the cold at a bus stop.

As we walked, we sang, 'cause that's just what I do.

And we danced, 'cause I tend to do that too.

And I'm sure I looked ridiculous singing and dancing my way down Cannon Street with a stroller.

And I'm sure I couldn't care less.

Haydon was tired.

He wanted to sleep so badly.

And I wanted him to stay awake and have lunch before his nap so badly.

So I kept tickling him, and singing louder, and involving the stroller in my dance.

And he kept giggling, and squirming, and yawning...

And somehow managed to sleep and laugh at the same time, twitching and smiling as I played with his ear lobes or poked his belly.

After lunch, that St. James got home.

And we waited for the poor little boy to put himself to sleep (sometimes he does so well, other times it seems to take forever - today he managed to poo just after I put him down, prolonging the whole thing even more by throwing a bum change into the mix).

Then that Saintly guy and I had a nap of our own.

Mmmmm.  Naps are so good.

And I tip-toed out before either of those great guys woke up, and I snuck into the bath and enjoyed a few minutes of peace and quiet and hot water before I trudged downstairs with a load of dirty diapers.

My mama got me a gift card for my birthday, and I asked St. James if he minded if I ran to the store for a bit to buy some clothes I needed (I use that word liberally.  we don't really know need).

And of course, he said yes.

And of course, when I walked in the door two hours later, dinner was ready.

Chicken parmagiana.

And he kissed me, and put on his coat, and went to work and didn't even get to eat it with us.

(He'll be fed at work - he can pick off the restaurant's menu.  It's not as bad as I made it sound)

but it sure is as good as I made it sound.  

Haydon loved it - he ate a whole chicken breast!

And then he played while I tidied.

And we headed upstairs, and got ready for bed, and I blew raspberries on his chubby little tummy as we put on his pjs.

And read our stories.

And nursed, and prayed.

And hugged, and kissed.

And tucked in.

And now, I sit, after doing those tasks that seem mundane, but mean that we're alive - laundry, dishes.

In the background, Crosby, Stills &Nash sing "Our house, is a very very very fine house!" over the hum of the dishwasher.

To one side is a beautiful vase of bright orange and red Gerber daisies - a birthday gift from my mom-in-law,

on the other a sleeping, sighing dog.

My heart is so full.

I am so blessed.  

Happy Birthday, Haydon!

Well.  Life got the best of me in terms of the 12 Days of Haydon.  

I assure you, he did live past July.  And we did take pictures.  And it was wonderful.

It's been interesting to re-live in my mind the events of a year ago.  We were told our baby had some signs of distress in-utero.  Despite being deeply committed to a home birth, under the direction of a midwife and obgyn we decided to induce labour, fearful that there may have been something wrong with our baby.  14 hours later, we were blessed with one of the healthiest, happiest children I've ever met.
(More about that here)  

Last night, after he fell asleep, I snuggled him extra long, tears in my eyes as I considered the outcome of the labour I was in a year ago at that time.  The juxtaposition of those fears - some ultrasound indicators that could have meant Downs Syndrome, lack of movement, poor muscle tone - with the glorious and problem-free year we've had overwhelmed me, reminding me of just how blessed we are.

Here's a month-by-month of our boy, from birth to today.

moments after birth

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December - taken 2 weeks shy of his first birthday.

At one, Haydon is a pure delight. 

 He's one of the happiest kids I've ever met.  He babbles, and laughs and "sings" at times. 

 He is walking (almost running at times),and  has 4 teeth.  

He loves to eat bananas, grapes, avocado, cheerios, and rice cakes.  He points and says "MMM! MMM!" when he sees his favourite foods.

Haydon loves to hug.  When I come home at the end of the day he buries his face in my shoulder and pats my back.  He also does this with stuffed animals and dolls (he LOVES!) dolls.

Haydon loves music - he knows which of his toys make music, and will repeatedly press the buttons so that he has something to dance to. Last week, he went crazy for an animated video of  "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas", laughing, squealing and bopping up and down.

Haydon loves books (his mother's son!).  He will often go to his shelf and pull some down, then sit in a pile of books and flip through them.

Haydon loves electronics (his father's son!).  He loves the phone, or a remote control.  He will pick either up, hold it to his ear, and say "Da!" into it, then giggle and pass it to you.  He points remotes at TVs and presses the button.  He would spend all day playing with my iPhone if I let him.

Haydon-baby, we love you so much.  

I can't even imagine how much fun we'll have in the next year as you continue to learn and grow and develop your personality!

It's a privilege to be your Mom! 

No Sleep = Angry Mama

For the love of all that's good in the world.

We need some sleep.

Or something.very.bad.might.happen.

I don't mind getting up in the morning (the very early morning).  Usually it means I plug in the Christmas lights, get a few toys out, grab my bible and sit on the couch while the wee man plays happily.  Usually this doesn't happen until after 5.

But no.  Not today. 

Today?  Today we started this glorious getting up ritual at 3:30.

Yep.  You saw that right.  3:30.

I nursed for an hour, then practically jumped up and down with the boy in my arms, desperately trying to rock/bounce him back to sleep.

But to no avail, so, at 4:30, we came downstairs, me thinking, at least I can just veg on the couch while he plays.

But, no.  Not today.  Today, he's a crank.  He doesn't want to play, he doesn't want to be held, he doesn't want breakfast, I don't think he knows what he wants, but it doesn't seem to be anything I can offer him.

Me?  I know what I want.

I want to go back to bed.

Morning Comes Early

That was the name of one of the pieces in my piano book when I took lessons as a little girl.  I always thought it was funny, and kind of strange.  I didn't really get it.

Lately, do I ever get it!

Morning comes very early around here these days.  When we rise, the time on the clock usually starts with a '4.'  The little anti-sleep has been helped along by daylight savings time to an all-new record in sleep ridiculousness.  James and I take turns getting up with the chipper little man, and he usually ends up going down for a nap between 7:00 and 7:30 (I used to be disgusted that our naps start when normal people get up - now I just laugh).  On the days when I work, James gets up, letting me sleep a leeeeetle longer in preparation for my day.  This, unfortunately, means that on the days I don't work, I have to get up at a ridiculous time.  So much for those lost lovely days of sleeping in on a day off (pondering the fact that James doesn't have to get up for work on his sleep-in days, so, kind of actually gets to sleep in...lucky duck).

The funny thing is, I'm actually starting to enjoy these early mornings.  Haydon is so happy when he gets up, and is content to play fairly independently.  I'm trying to make a point of spending some time in scripture before I pop open the computer, and so I close the living room doors, set toys out for him, and let the word seep into my consciousness to the soundtrack of bangs and beeps and giggles.

Sleep?  Yeah, I'd like more of that.  But Scripture - I need more of that.  Sleep will return, some day.

Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
   He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
   And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
   gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
   young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
   They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
   they walk and don't lag behind.

- Isaiah 40:28-31, The Message

no rest for the weary

I'm going to whine.  And maybe cry.  And rant a little.  That's what blogs are for.

If I run into you today, I'll downplay it, and say "Oh, it's not that bad...you just need to change your expectations a bit.  We're managing fine."  And I suppose we are.  

But, seriously.

We need to figure out this damn sleep thing.

I say that as the parent who didn't do the getting up in the night.  

I honestly don't know how he does it.  It amazes me that he doesn't have melt downs in the day.  James brought him into me to nurse twice last night.  I check the clock when I take him back to bed.  Once at 1:45.  The second time at 3:30.  That's not even two hours in between, and I know James tried to soothe him for awhile before bringing him to me to nurse, so, if he was up, spent time with James, nursed, and THEN it was 3:30, he certainly didn't sleep long in between.  Oh, and did I mention he was up for good at 4?  Oh, and that I'm working 3-11 tonight and somehow have to support my husband in getting some homework done this morning so I can't just hide in bed all morning?  Oh, and that I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR MORE THAN 5 HOURS IN 9.5 FRIGGIN' MONTHS!

15 days to our weekend away...Not really sure what that will look like for my parents who won't be able to nurse him back to sleep.  Was going to try to work toward night weaning so that it would be easier for them, but, at this point, I do whatever I can to get however much sleep it'll get me.

Funny Face

Do you ever just sit with the camera and keep clicking?

You should sometime.  

The results can be quite humorous.

This is why I got out the camera.  Thought the grandparents could use a pictoral hello.

But then...

  

Love this funny-faced boy so much.

Extreme Breastfeeding

This post just may be "too much information" for those of you who don't breastfeed/don't want to hear about it.  You've been warned.

Haydon has recently embraced "The Pounce," which is absolutely hilarious.  When he gets up in the morning (if it's not ridiculously early and just one of us is getting up with him), he comes into our bed and we wake up slow together.  He crawls around and plays, pulls on his dad's chest hair, then will come rocketing over and dive-bomb my chest.  Or he'll crawl over, push his legs into a standing position and face plant onto a boob.  Then practice his standing up, with his bum going up and down, as he nurses.

The other day he was less interested in nursing, and more interested in playing, and as he crawled around he put a hand on my very full breast...and squirted his dad, a good 3 feet away, in the face.  He's also very good at  "The Pop and Spray" resulting in a high-powered stream that gets all over his face and clothes.

Ah, the joys.

Squishy Cheeks

I should've been in bed ages ago.  Curse you, Facebook.

I just saw a copy of this pic randomly on the shelf in Haydon's room.

As if he's mine, that gorgeous funny-faced boy.

Almost makes the lack of sleep worth it.

Almost.

The Impulse Buy

I'm not spending money 'til December, 'member?

Except for yesterday.

Mom and I went to Once Upon A Child to look for some stuff for her house - play pen, high chair, gates, etc.  We found a nice play pen.

We also found a BEAUTIFUL set of bedding and curtains.

Here's the problem:  Bumper pads had been on the list of stuff that was exempt from the spending fast.  Lately every time I walk into Haydon's room, if he's not sitting up, he's screaming with one of his chunky thighs stuck between the crib rails.

And this is why one should be intentional about purchases.  See, if I had gone out looking for bumper pads, I would likely have come home with one of those breathable things that can weave through the rails so your kid doesn't get stuck.  Or maybe I would've kijiji'd for something inexpensive.  Or even said something on facebook to see if anyone had any that they're not using.

But no.  I went wandering through Once Upon A Child.

And saw this:

Isn't it pretty!?  Now I not only have bumper pads, but curtains, a comforter, goofy pillows and a bunch of weird hangy things that I wasn't really sure what to do with, and don't need.  I like it, I think, although it's a bit busy.  I feel like the crib could be entered in a parade.  But it feels nice in his room now - we hadn't really done any decorating other than paint it, so now it actually feels like a baby boy's room.

And I've had a LOT of time to enjoy looking at it tonight...
(stop reading here if you're sick of the sleep-whining)

I don't know what to do with that kid!  Lately he'll go to bed ok, then 45 minutes to an hour later, he wakes up and he's up until 10, 11, even midnight one night.  He's just up and ready to go!  He giggles at us, babbles, talks to his stuffed animals, practices his standing.  He's just not tired!  I'll try nursing, we'll try walking with him or rocking, rubbing his back, just sitting in the room while he's in his crib, and nothing works.  Last night, it was 11:00 before we were able to get to bed, and he didn't sleep longer than two hours between wakings all night long.

Anyway.  He's asleep right now.  James just came out of there.

In the interest of full disclosure with the spending stuff, I also bought gas yesterday.  Tomorrow it's groceries and some babyproofing stuff - we need some drawer and cupboard clasps.

Goodnight (I hope!)

Buying Stuff

We bought stuff today.

Just thought you should know.

2 baby gates (off kijiji), and some gripe water to try to help the Anti-Sleep.

And because I'm such a great parent, I left the baby gates leaning against a door frame.  And then had to go out, so, I set up the stroller.  I carried the stroller past Haydon, who was heading toward the gates and muttered under my breath "Pull those down on yourself, why don't ya."  Shocking.  That's exactly what he was doing when I came back in.  He was fine, just startled.

Ya, and the gripe water.  James bought that tonight, on a walk, with our little man, at about 8:30.  Why?  BECAUSE HE WON'T GO TO SLEEP DAGNABBIT!  He was doing SO well while we were on holidays...and now.  He's still napping well.  I'm hanging on to that.  But seriously, it was midnight last night when the 3 of us finally got to bed.  Tonight he went to sleep at about 9, but has been up twice since then, and it's only 10:30.

Anywhoooooo.  It's bedtime.  Gotta get it while the gettin's good.

Home!

We just got from an absolutely FANTASTIC vacation at a cottage on Waupoos Island with James' family.  I was going to write a big long blog post about it and add all kinds of lovely pictures.  Except, sorting through all those pictures takes time, and I wanna go to bed.

So, instead, here's a peak at my boy, just in case you forgot how cute my kid is.

In the wrap on one of our many early morning walks so that everyone else could sleep.

Examining some grass.

Um, seriously?  Does it get much better?

The Anti-Sleep

I haven't complained about sleep yet this week.

I have requested a couple of books from the library.

(Haydon is currently finger painting with a puddle of puke he just produced.  Gross.)

That kid just won't nap!  Which would be ok, if he would let us sleep at night, but I NEED some sleep at some point!  And to make it worse it's not like he appears to be tired.  He's ridiculously happy. It's like he's taunting me as he giggles away in his crib. He doesn't have melt downs.  He doesn't fuss.  I on the other hand, do fuss, and have melt downs.

Last night he was up constantly.  His tummy bothers him.  We go pick him up, and as soon as he's upright, he burps (or pukes on me) , and is ready to go back to sleep.  Except for the times he's not ready to go back to sleep and takes an hour to go back to sleep.  I think I'm gonna make a doctor's appointment, 'cause I think if his tummy wasn't bugging him he'd sleep better.  Or at least that's what I like to tell myself.

Today he hasn't napped at all, except for about 20 minutes in the stroller.  And not for lack of trying.

He's developing sleep-related nick names.  Like The Anti-Sleep.  Mr. No-Nap.

But enough of that.

I've just come up with a delicious gourmet Kraft Dinner recipe.

No, this is not one of those mommy-blogs where you will find wonderful and nutritious organic meals to feed your children who sleep well while mama spends time doing meaningful things like read or pray.  Here, you will find one sleep deprived mama who doesn't always do a very good job of caring for herself (or her home lately) and loves KD.

But, I realize that lately I've been eating a lot of carbs and not much veggies or protein.

So, I've added to my KD chopped up wieners and broccoli.  Yum.

Maybe that's how I should make my fortunes.  A Gourmet Kraft Dinner Recipes blog.

Cute

I was just thinking that I should clean this up and send it back to it's rightful owner since my little man isn't into jumping much anymore.  

And then I get up and see this.

Apparently we've found new ways of enjoying it. 

Ugh

This will be long.
Just warning you.

I'm having a crummy day.

But, actually, the day has been fine.  That's the problem.  It's just me that's off.  When James left for work today, he said "Hope your day gets better!", and I thought, like, really...nothing bad has happened.  I just feel like, well...you know.

When I really think about it, I feel guilty for being in such a bad mood when I have so much to be thankful for.  I mean, really.  Today James was around for the morning, I had a good long hot shower, with time to shave my legs.  He made French toast, which I drank with delicious coffee. When I started making whiny noises back at Haydon and slamming things around, he sent me out to the porch with my coffee and journal so I could have some me time.  I had a nice visit with a good friend this afternoon, then went shopping and bought stuff, most of it unnecessary (but not like, frivolous, like, a daybook, and sunshades for the back windows in the car.  In fact, I refrained from buying a beautiful little book for my munchkin, and some adorable baby clothes, and a double burner camp stove.  so there).

So, like I said, that can hardly be considered a bad day.  And yet...me and this mood are not all that fun to be around.

(sidenote - because I am such a stellar mother and my baby is such a stellar napper, it's 5:30 and he's totally zonked.  Not only did he fall asleep in the car on the way home from our visiting and shopping, he hasn't eaten since he went down for his nap at noon.  And, as if I just reminded him of that, he JUST woke up as I typed that sentence)

I'm so ready to go back to work.  In September, James will be going back to school full time, and hanging out with Haydon while I work full time.  I never ever thought I would look forward to that.  Three months ago, I was trying to figure out every possible way I could not ever go back to work.  Two months ago, you could never have convinced me that I would ever enjoy anything other than staying home with Haydon, although I recognized it might have to happen.  A month ago, I was resigned to the fact that I would have to leave my baby, but not thrilled about it.  Now...it can't happen soon enough.  I suppose it's good that I feel that way, since it's how it's going to be.

I don't even remember what else I had to say.  Haydon is screaming away in his crib, 'cause our afternoon was so out of wack and bedtime didn't go as I had hoped.  I think he's tired enough that he'll go to sleep soon, but if it lasts longer than 10 minutes, I'll go rescue him.  Then the plan for the evening is to pack up to head out in the morning for a few days with my parents and sister and their RV.  I hope time with them cures this ridiculous funk, 'cause seriously, something's gotta give, and soon.

Patticake, Patticake, Baker's Man...

...bake me a cake as fast as you can!

but Mum, I don't know how...

These kitchen tools sure are fun though!

Bon Appetit!

For Crying Out Loud

We've abandoned cry it out.
Well, I have.  St. James does what he's told.

I was willing to try the crying, if it led to sleeping.  "The Book" said that after 4 nights, he should slip blissfully off to sleep after a matter of minutes.  Well, he didn't.  Add to that the fact that I was out every evening last week while the crying experiment was taking place, and I am no longer out every evening and can't stand it, it's over.  "The Book" said he would soon learn that his bed was a safe and happy place and would fall asleep on his own. Well, watching him writhe around in his crib, covered in sweat and tears, did not lead me to believe his crib was becoming a safe and happy place.  Add to that the fact that my once-happy baby who would sit on the floor and play independently for quite awhile has started bursting into tears the minute I leave his bedroom, and I'm done.

Not really sure what's next (not really looking for suggestions, either).  For now, it's cuddle-fest, 'cause he seems to have a bit of an ear infection and isn't sleeping much at all.  Or that's just my latest excuse, 'cause when did he ever really sleep much...?

Yum

Having given it much

thoughtful consideration

I've decided food's ok.

Cry Perchance to Sleep Perchance to Dream

It's 11:25am.

I put Haydon down for a nap shortly after 9:00am.

He's still sleeping.

Not only has he been napping for almost 2.5 hours, he only got up once last night to eat, around 3:00am, and slept on to 7:00am.  I haven't got that much sleep in AGES.

Here's the confession...

We've started cry it out.

The confession that comes with this confession is that the judgmental side of me always thought "How can you POSSIBLY let your poor baby cry him/herself to sleep!?!  You must be somewhat less human than I am...We will NEVER do that!"

My apologies.  I get it now.

Haydon's sleep has been HORRIBLE for the past couple of weeks.  I'm talking, as bad as when he was first born horrible.  And it was ok when he was new, 'cause that's what new babies do, get up every 2ish hours.  Babies over 6 months...?  They do not need to do this.  And mamas need to sleep.  The only way Haydon was getting to sleep was by one of us walking him around his room, for a long time sometimes.  We tried putting him in his crib awake and patting him, we tried giving him comfort objects, we tried, we tried, we tried.

And so, at the beginning of this week, after 3-4 nights in a row of very little sleep, I said to James "I think I'm ready to try cry it out."  I also decided it was time to be more scheduled with naps.

We started yesterday.  It's already 10million times better.

At 9:00am yesterday morning, we went in, nursed, sang a little song, and put my (mostly) sleeping baby in his crib.  As usual, as soon as he touched the mattress, he popped his eyes open, craned his head up to looked at me, and giggled.  And I left.  And he cried, for about 45 minutes, and then slept 'till about 10:30.  Not great - as much crying as there was sleeping, but, I'd read that it can take awhile, and it wasn't as bad as some of the horror stories I'd heard.

At 1:00pm, we went in, nursed, he fell asleep, I set him down, he stayed asleep.  Hooray!  He slept until about 3:30PM.  Not too shabby.

At 6:45pm (a little earlier than I'd like, but I'm volunteering at church every evening this week, so that's when it's gotta be), we went in, nursed, he fell asleep, but woke a little as I got up to put him in his crib.  He was still stirring when I left.  James said he cried for about 45 minutes.  But he stayed asleep... most nights, he wakes up multiple times and needs to be resettled before we go to bed.  Didn't happen last night.  Most nights, he wakes up around 11:00pm, 1:00am, 3:00am, and 5:30am.  He slept 'till 3:00am, I fed him, and he slept on until 7:00am.

This morning, at 9:00am, we went in, nursed, he fell asleep...

...he's still sleeping.

HALLELUJAH!

Monday, Monday

Whew.  It's been a while.  And a whirlwind.

Biggest excitement since I've last posted: a trip to the emergency room, and a gorgeous new baby carrier.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend got a new woven wrap.  I was already thinking I was ready for a new carrier, as Haydon's getting too heavy to carry on one shoulder in my slings, and our stretchy wrap was too, well, stretchy, for his weight.  I was thinking about a soft-structured carrier like an Ergo or a Beco, but when she started talking about how comfy and versatile her wrap was, I started to think I needed one.  Then I started reading about them on TheBabyWearer.com and I knew I needed one.  Then I spent endless hours on for-sale-or-trade forums looking at beautiful pieces of cloth and trying to figure out what I wanted.  Then someone told me about a sale at NovaNatural.com , so I was able to get a new one in a colour I liked for a decent price.  I ordered a BB Slen passion fruit woven wrap.
 And did a happy dance.
                                                                                     And then waited....

All last week, Haydon had frequent funny-looking green poops.  I wasn't too concerned about it, as we had started new cereal and he didn't seem to be uncomfortable, I thought he was just adjusting to the new food.  Saturday he came down with a fever, and was harder to settle to sleep than usual.  This was the first time he has ever been unwell (we have been so blessed thus far!).  I have always had a wild imagination, that takes me to worse case scenarios when the slightest thing happens.  As St. James and I were taking Haydon's temperature on Saturday night, in my head it was no time before we were in the hospital with him hooked up to endless wires and monitors for weeks on end.

I've been made aware of a couple of families recently who have young children undergoing chemo, which is probably why my mind went there when Haydon started to get sick.  I can't imagine what these families are going through - my heart goes out to them!  When I think about the amount of agonizing I did about a mere fever - do we give him Tylenol now?  Do we wait?  Do we go to the hospital?  Do we wait until Monday and call the doctor?   - I cannot even conceive of the decisions faced by parents of children who are struggling with long-term illness.

Anyway, Sunday morning, Haydon was still feverish.  And then he stopped peeing...After three dry diapers to which we responded with a "well, we'll see what the next one's like..." I called telehealth, around 10:00pm.  I knew that they would likely recommend that we head to the ER, and, sure enough, they did.  So, at 11:00pm, we made our first parental emergency room trip.

We are SO blessed to live in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.  As we got into the car, I said to James how lucky we were to be in Canada, as there was no way we would've been heading to the hospital over a happy baby who hadn't peed in a while if we had to pay big money for it.  TeleHealth Ontario was also really helpful.  Although there was a wait of 15-20 minutes to talk to a nurse, and they called us back, rather than having to wait on the line all that time.  When she suggested we got to the hospital, she asked where we'd be going, and sent Haydon's chart with all the info she'd taken over the phone, so we didn't have to go through all of the questions again at the hospital.  Having Hamilton's McMaster Children's Hospital a 10 minute drive away is a huge blessing.  There was a separate waiting room for little ones, and the nurses were great.  The doctor was FANTASTIC!(I wish I had got her name!), and we were home by 1:30am.  If trips to the ER can be great, this one was.



We got there, headed in to see the triage nurse, took Haydon's diaper off for her to take his temperature...and it was wet.  This was a relief, but my "wait and see how things are in the morning" side was chastising my "err on the side of caution" side.  The doctor said that often happens, and she affirmed our choice to bring him in, so that was good.

                                                          

                                                              

                                                                                                                           Chillin' with our friend Sophie in the waiting room

So was being in bed when we got home.  I had gotten maybe 5.5 hours of interrupted sleep the night before, and was exhausted.    Haydon was up early, as usual, and as St. James had to go to work in the afternoon, I got up with Haydon and we just chilled out watching some TV (all I had energy for). St. James got up at 11 and I showered and stuff.  Then came upstairs and laid down for a nap as Haydon was sleeping...then my wonderful husband said he thought he should stay home from work as I hadn't gotten much sleep in the past couple of nights and could probably use an extra set of hands.  I didn't say no.

Just as I was drifting off to sleep, there was a BANG BANG BANG on the door.  I knew what it was...

St. James answered the door, chatted for awhile with the delivery guy, who happened to be the dad of someone he went to cadets with as a kid.  Then he brought up the box and set it on the bed beside me.

"Are you excited!?!"
"I'm trying to decide if I should be excited or asleep...."

He put the box in the corner and suggested sleep was probably the good idea.

I tried.

And then I thought about what was in the box.

And then I thought about the friend who I'd ordered one for who would want to know that the box was here.

And then I got up and dressed and sent her a message.

And then...

It's so comfy!  I love it.  Haydon does too.

 This was my first attempt at putting him in it, and it felt pretty good!

It's also so easy to get stuff done with him in it.  Way comfier than my other carriers.

Now I have time at home with my two favorite guys (one which is currently sleeping, the other cleaning the basement - I told you they're both awesome), and a new toy to play with.  

Life is good!