Heavenly Holidays

My sweet St. James got me a new boxing-day sale laptop for my birthday (coming up in a couple weeks).

So, here I am, with a basket full of unfolded laundry and a cluttered dining table personalizing and getting to know the ins and outs of this new machine.

Nice to have my own.  Nice for James not to have to share his anymore.  Win-win, as they say.

And, as I have been blessed with this lovely machine, I feel as though I have a responsibility to use it well.  So, I hereby declare I will write at least once a week.  And by write, I mean write, write.  Like, intentionally and creatively and in a way that challenges me to flex some of my muscles, not just random blather like this.

But, since I'm blathering anyway, I might as well continue.

I'm on HOLIDAYS!

For 10 DAYS!

And SO IS JAMES!

And it's darn lovely, that's what.

We even sleep in, both of us at once, 'cause our crazy babe has decided that on days that he rises early, he'll go back to sleep around 7.  I could hardly believe it when we woke up a few days ago at 10:00.  It was like pre-baby bliss.  With the added joy of having a cute kid to cuddle with.

We're not doing much on this stay-cation, but it's been good just to have downtime in our home, and spend some time organizing our home, and some time thinking about what's important, and what the next year will look like, and how we'll make sure it looks like what's important.

I hope you have been able to have some good holiday time too.  If you're thinking about New Year's, and resolutions, here's a link to a great tool from Simple Mom to help you evaluate what's important and shape your goals.

Happy New Year!

Oh, hi

Hello tired blog.

I have missed you.

Kind of like I've missed relaxing, and writing, and hanging out with my husband.

Who just put a hand on my back, asked "how're the dishes coming?" and reminded me of the cheesecake we'll share when they're done.

Someday, I'll write again.

Someday...

(job is good, boy is GREAT!, husband is wonderful)

Crazy Going Slowly Am I...

I feel like I'm living in an Erma Bombeck book.  Seriously.  As I rush out the door in a whirlwind of books and bottles, it's pretty humourous some mornings. 

Tuesday, I was about 6 blocks away when I realized I had forgotten my breast pump.  And that I hadn't nursed Haydon in at least 3 hours.  It was a good thing I had left for work early.  I whizzed back, nursed him, grabbed the pump and left.  I'm sure the babysitter thought I was nuts.

I used to always look wonder why people with kids were so scattered.  Why couldn't they just show up somewhere, on time, with their kids dressed with matching socks?  And why were the kids always eating some sort of take-a-long breakfast?  Hahahaha...I so get it now.  Getting ourselves out the door early in the morning is quite the production.  And I only have one, and I can't get anywhere on time anymore (James asked me tonight if my mom, who has been known to be chronically late, was like that before she had children...wait...my mom existed before she had children!?!)    

And then there's days like today.  I know I'm not superwoman.  But somedays I feel like I'm starting to come close.

I went to work (teaching today).

I came home on my lunch break and nursed Haydon and hung clothes out to dry.

Went back to work.

Came home and asked the babysitter if she could stay a bit longer so that I could cut the grass and clean up the disgusting mess of grapes that have fallen from our grapevine 'cause we haven't gotten around to picking them.

Ok.  So, maybe that's not all that much.  It was in my head when I decided I'd make a beautiful supper too.  But then I decided that James could make his own dinner, 'cause I was going to be fed at book club.  

And then I sat on the floor while Haydon played and tried to finish the book for book club.  

And then I went to book club.

(Thank the good Lord for good books and great woman to discuss them with!!!)

But seriously.  There's something about being the person bringing home the bacon, AND doing the laundry, AND cutting the grass that just feels like...a lot.  

And don't get my wrong, that husband guy is probably still a Saint, but it sure has been a tough week as we sort out our new roles and added responsibilities on not a ton of sleep.  Let's just say that tempers have been a bit short this week.

Someone at book club asked me tonight if I did ridiculous things because I'm tired enough to be crazy.  

Oh, maybe.

Like get the coffee all set to go this morning, except not actually put any coffee into the machine, only to be super disappointed when I came back to a pot of hot murky water.

Or fill the car up with gas, only to look in my side mirror five minutes later and notice that I hadn't put the cap on the tank.

Or stay up blogging when I should be sleeping 'cause the husband's working on a report that will likely keep him up most of the night and so that baby's all mine when he gets up.  Every time (shall we bet on how many tonight?  I think four).

I used to be able to gather thoughts and right witty, smart sentences in posts that were somewhat themed and thought out.  This...this...I don't even know what this is.

Goodnight.  And Goodluck.

Saturday

It's been a great day so far!

Haydon  had a decent nap this morning, and I was able to catch up on my out-of-control house.  As in, I did Thursday's supper dishes.  Feels good to be caught up!

Yesterday, I finally locked Haydon and I in his room and did some much-needed organizing.  There was a huge pile that hadn't been dealt with since we got back from the cottage, 'cause he was sleeping when we got home and unpacked, so I just kind of set stuff in his room and there it stayed.  Also, his closet was being overtaken by a large pile of clothes he's outgrown.  I organized and sorted, and this morning was able to give back some stuff we'd borrowed, lend out a box to an expecting friend, and take some stuff to my beloved Little Bird.  Feels good to have less stuff hanging around!

Then we went on to a Hamilton Babywearers meeting (you can check them out on facebook).  I learned a new back carry, which I think I may be able to do by myself...that's the tricky part of wrapping, is getting them IN there!    Enjoyed chatting with other like-minded mamas.  And, James had some time to kill in between jobs and errands, so he stopped by and played with Haydon at the park with one of the other dads. Then we had lunch together - the first meal we've eaten together in AGES 'cause I was out volunteering at our church's VBS every night this week.

Anj and I sporting our matching wraps...and sandals...

And now, Haydon is napping AGAIN (gloryhallelujah!), and I am munching away on peanut butter M&Ms 'cause St. James is a sugar daddy (literally) so when I say "I really want some chocolate..." he magically has some in his bag in the car.  Yum.  This afternoon I'm headed to Brantford to have some reflexology done (no idea what that will be like!?) and chill with my fam.  Mom and I are going to look for a play pen and high chair for their house...I am looking forward to vicarious shopping.

Hope you're having a great Saturday too!

Ugh

This will be long.
Just warning you.

I'm having a crummy day.

But, actually, the day has been fine.  That's the problem.  It's just me that's off.  When James left for work today, he said "Hope your day gets better!", and I thought, like, really...nothing bad has happened.  I just feel like, well...you know.

When I really think about it, I feel guilty for being in such a bad mood when I have so much to be thankful for.  I mean, really.  Today James was around for the morning, I had a good long hot shower, with time to shave my legs.  He made French toast, which I drank with delicious coffee. When I started making whiny noises back at Haydon and slamming things around, he sent me out to the porch with my coffee and journal so I could have some me time.  I had a nice visit with a good friend this afternoon, then went shopping and bought stuff, most of it unnecessary (but not like, frivolous, like, a daybook, and sunshades for the back windows in the car.  In fact, I refrained from buying a beautiful little book for my munchkin, and some adorable baby clothes, and a double burner camp stove.  so there).

So, like I said, that can hardly be considered a bad day.  And yet...me and this mood are not all that fun to be around.

(sidenote - because I am such a stellar mother and my baby is such a stellar napper, it's 5:30 and he's totally zonked.  Not only did he fall asleep in the car on the way home from our visiting and shopping, he hasn't eaten since he went down for his nap at noon.  And, as if I just reminded him of that, he JUST woke up as I typed that sentence)

I'm so ready to go back to work.  In September, James will be going back to school full time, and hanging out with Haydon while I work full time.  I never ever thought I would look forward to that.  Three months ago, I was trying to figure out every possible way I could not ever go back to work.  Two months ago, you could never have convinced me that I would ever enjoy anything other than staying home with Haydon, although I recognized it might have to happen.  A month ago, I was resigned to the fact that I would have to leave my baby, but not thrilled about it.  Now...it can't happen soon enough.  I suppose it's good that I feel that way, since it's how it's going to be.

I don't even remember what else I had to say.  Haydon is screaming away in his crib, 'cause our afternoon was so out of wack and bedtime didn't go as I had hoped.  I think he's tired enough that he'll go to sleep soon, but if it lasts longer than 10 minutes, I'll go rescue him.  Then the plan for the evening is to pack up to head out in the morning for a few days with my parents and sister and their RV.  I hope time with them cures this ridiculous funk, 'cause seriously, something's gotta give, and soon.

Catchin' up...stream of consciousness style

My house is a mess!
And I have little desire to do anything about it. 

We spent the last half of last week at the Canadian Baptists of Ontario and Quebec annual assembly.  I know, sounds like a blast.  It was actually really fun.  We drove down late Wednesday night, and checked into our hotel.  And king-sized beds are awesome and fun.  I may be convinced to actually have Haydon sleep with us all the time if we had one.  Seriously, I couldn't even find James in that sea of comfy duvet when I crawled in.  Anyway.  Assembly. 

There is just something really great about a bunch of people who love God and want to partner in making his kingdom reality gathering together.  Add to that the fact that there is something really great about having 3 days of having my family, including my parents, all in the same place, and you get a pretty good time. 

We left on Saturday afternoon, and drove straight to my parents' house, to see my sister who had been holding down the fort and caring for their geriatric dog.  Then came home, and crawled into bed.  Then crawled out of bed too early to lead worship at church this morning. 

So we haven't been here much.  And it's messy. That we-rushed-out-too-quick-and-didn't-tidy-up-first kind of messy, and that we-just-got-home-and-dropped-piles-of-stuff-everywhere kind of messy,  and I don't want to do anything about it.  But I do want it to be clean.  I also want to read my book so that I have it done for book club on Tuesday.  And I want a babysitter so I can go to book club on Tuesday.

Um, so, about that mess.  The one that I'm avoiding.  I don't know why I do this.  Part of it is about a lack of system and routine, I think.  If there was a place for things, and a system to get them to their places, it probably wouldn't seem like such a big deal to put stuff away. 

But that's just a small part.  Basically...I'm lazy.

In other news, my father-in-law had a heart attack yesterday afternoon.  He's ok, but will spend a couple of days in hospital being monitored and all that jazz.  And it's just a big bummer.  James' parents were supposed to be heading to Ireland and Scotland, leaving next Sunday, and can't go now, which stinks. 

James' parents were also supposed to go pick up a cow this afternoon.

So James is doing that now.

James' Mom grew up on a family farm, and there was a herd of Jersey cows (I love Jersey cows...which I should stop thinking about right now...but those eyes!  So pretty!).  The cousin who owned the herd sold them a few years ago, but gets one or two each year for slaughter.  So as a family we decided we would share a cow.

So James and his brother headed down to Harrow (near Windsor) this afternoon to bring home a cow in the morning.  Which means that I won't find him in my bed again tonight, and not becuase it's so big.  Darn!

What's with today, today...?

hehehe...that quote has been in my head for a couple of days.  I need to watch that movie.

Today is great, actually.  The rest of the week has been kind of crummy.  Well, I've been feeling kind of crummy, the week itself has been good.  Mood is a funny thing.  I have no reason to be feeling "down."  Life is good, we are so blessed, the circumstances are great.  But I have been feeling like junk.  And then I feel guilty...I know that I have no "reason" to feel crummy.  I feel like I should "mind over matter" it and get off my butt and get things done...but I still spent most of yesterday watching TV with my content little dude playing on the bed beside me.  Why are we so afraid of the 'D' word?...and where is the line between baby blues and depression?  Who knows.  I'm feeling much better today, thankfully.

And how could I not?  I spent a good morning with good mama friends, my wee one went down for a nap easily as soon as we walked in the door, and then I made myself bacon and eggs and yummy coffee for lunch.  It's one of those comfy rainy days.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be packing for us to head off to our denomination's annual convention, which I'm really looking forward to.  Good worship, good workshops, a chance to connect with people, and my parents will be there too, which is nice.  A nice little mini business-vacay.  And full days with my James.  Hooray!

I leave you with a link to Mothering Magazine's Top 25 Articles  If you're sick of hearing about breastfeeding and cloth diapers, don't bother.  If, like me, you can't get enough, head on over.  Or if you want something to think about and stretch your mind a bit, check out the one on medical marijuana for nausea during pregnancy.

And have a good rest of the week!

Poor, Poor Pitiful Me

I'm sitting staring at my screen, going back and forth between my email and facebook, wondering why no one is sending me love every 30 seconds to keep me entertained.  Hay-baber is sleeping (although I keep thinking he's waking up, otherwise I would've been sleeping too).  St. James is working this afternoon/evening.  And often, those days suck.  For some reason, despite the fact that he was home a mere 4 hours ago and we had a lovely morning together, Monday and Tuesday evenings drag like you wouldn't believe.  I start to get lonely and stir-crazy.  I thought my sister was coming to visit...we had different ideas of what "tentative" plans means.  I thought the timing was tentative...she thought the plans were tentative.  When I called she was making dinner for my fam, which, of course, just made me feel left out (which I know is ridiculous, considering they all live under the same roof.)
And, my husband, my darling husband, has misplaced my iPhone.  This is frustrating.  See, I will leave it somewhere (in this case on the back porch beside the chair I was in).  I will know it is there.  I will know I have to return to get it.  He will see it and think "Oh!  Rae left her phone!  I'll bring it in for her..."  And then I will return and it will not be where I knew I left it.  And, usually, he knows where it is...but for some reason, this time, he doesn't remember...
Good thing it's a beautiful day and the neighbourhood Little Casears has a crazy deal on and I have good friends nearby that will eat pizza with me...

Banana Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Muffins of Awesomeness

My mom used to make these muffins when I was growing up.  They were banana oatmeal chocolate chip.  They were wonderful.  She'd make them on the weekends, in the morning, and I'd wake up to the aroma of their baking as it wafted down the hall.  It would draw me out of my bed as a teenager when, under normal circumstances, I would stay there all morning. Sometimes, if I wake up in just the right comfy, sleep-in state, I think I smell them, and I'm right back in my bedroom at my parents' house.  On a really delusional day, I imagine that my mom has come to my house and is baking them for me (moms out there with teenagers - don't underestimate the long-term effects of these kinds of loving actions!).
When I make muffins, these are the muffins I make.  In fact, these are really the only thing that comes to mind when I think "muffin."  There is no other type of muffin in my mind.  Just these, and their powerful attachment to my mom and my home growing-up.  Whenever I have bananas that have gotten too ripe to be eaten, these muffins are what I make.
I had some of those over-ripe bananas last week.  For a couple of days I looked at them and thought "it's time to make some mom muffins."  When I finally got a chance, we didn't have any milk.  After groceries the next day, I thought "gotta get to those muffins..."  Again, it took a few days.  But tonight, after Haydon went to bed, I started mashing those bananas, mixed in the eggs, the oil, then realized...we were out of milk.  Again.  I contemplated the breastmilk in the fridge.  St. James offered to go the store.  I completed the muffins.  I typed up the recipe for a friend who had asked for it recently.  As I was typing, I realized....I forgot the baking soda.
After a week's worth of anticipation, and an extra trip to the store on a Sunday night, I now have a beautiful batch of banana oatmeal chocolate chip pucks.  Bummer.
Here's the recipe, in case you ever want to mix up a memory ;)

Banana-Oatmeal-Chocolate-Chip Muffins of awesomeness

1.5 c    all-purpose flour
1 c       rolled oats
1/2 c    sugar
2 tsp    baking powder
1 tsp    baking soda (crap...I didn't put this in mine just now.  boo-urns)
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 c    chocolate chips

2        eggs
1/4 c  cooking oil
1/4 c  milk
3        bananas, mashed

Mix wet ingredients, set aside.  Mix dry ingredients in large bowl, add wet ingredients.  Mix just enough to moisten.  Bake at 350 F 10-14 min (when tester comes out clean).

Hellooooo out there. I'm still here.

Once upon a time, I blogged. I'm going to try to get back into it. See, as much as I like blogging, I just have a little less time with my hands free lately. And, when I do have that time, often blogging is not high on the priority list. That being said, I do think it is important to take some time to reflect, which is something that blogging helps me do. Sometimes writing things down forces you to organize your thoughts, which can be helpful. So, here I am again. With lots of thoughts; this could be long. (Did you see that? I just used a semicolon. Properly. If you're not sure how to do that, as apparently lots of people in my life aren't, there is a hilarious semicolon tutorial I'd love you to check out.)
I'm loving this baby-mama thing. It's pretty great. Well, Haydon's pretty great. Getting up multiple times at night I don't think I will ever love, but, it's getting a lot better. The past couple of nights have included stretches of sleep up to 6 hours long, and that is cause for celebration! Haydon is a super happy baby, which makes my job much easier. He's pretty content to lay on the floor or sit in his little chair while I cook or do computer stuff or clean, which is good, 'cause it means those things actually happen. He's also starting to coo and laugh a lot, which is so much fun. And, his head is very soft. And smells good. And we cuddle, lots, and it's great. (A note about starting successive sentences with "and"...I was editing some work of my mom's and chastised her for starting a bunch of sentences with and, and then realized afterward it was a quote, from the Bible. Apparently Paul (or whoever translated him into English), is allowed to start sentences with and. And so am I.) I may not be allowed to use parentheses within parentheses, but, I just did.
This past weekend was the True City conference here in Hamilton. True City is an inter-denominational movement of churches "working together for the good of the city." It's a pretty great thing, seeing churches work together across boundaries to bless our neighbourhoods, and some great things have come out of the partnerships. Following the conference this week is a 24/7 prayer room at Philpot Memorial Church. James and I went for some time yesterday morning, and I'm planning to go back again on Thursday. I'd encourage those of you in Hamilton to check it out - it's a beautiful room, set up with various stations to help focus your prayer on different areas in which True City is working - refugees, First Nations, mental health and addictions, neighbourhood partnerships, etc.
I had more to say. I know I did. I just can't remember at all what it was. Bummer.

One-handed Typing..

...takes talent, I'll have you know. You may now proceed to marvel as you read this and sporadically recall "she typed this all with one hand!"

It's gorgeous sunny out. Enough to make me consider hanging laundry outside, which would be good for my soul, but probably not dry any faster than inside 'cause it's still below freezing. Oh well. Also good for my soul would be to go for a walk to the library, which was the plan for the morning, except now it's almost 11, there is laundry EVERYWHERE (and dog hair in more places than that), and Haydon will need to eat soon. Oy. Scaleback of expectations of what to accomplish begins now...

But seriously. On the list of important every-day things I've put: a walk, a nap, a devotion, and a load of laundry. Supper is up there (like yesterday, supper happened - when I called James and asked for a Big Mac on his way home...). Those things alone can take up pretty much my whole day, when scheduled around feeds.

Which means I'd better stop typing (with one hand), throw a load of diapers in, feed this baby, and hit the road. That sunshine is too good to miss.