Friday, September 14

Too much time to think

Yes, I still have an assignment to do. I can't believe I'm on here AGAIN. A little pathetic.

So, today. No classes, therefore, official work day. Great morning, very productive. Sat on the porch with my books and laptop and got lots done. James went to work around 12:30, and my day just went downhill from there...I worked for a bit, then I stopped to make cookies (a reasonable break). I didn't know it was possible to kill chocolate chip cookies the way I did today. They turned out HORRIBLY! And as for my non-stick pans...I disagree. I have one pan that is still covered with cracker-thin burnt "cookies" that I CANNOT get off except to chip them off in tiny pieces with a knife, also removing the "non-stick" coating. urgh. Anyway, that was a bit of a sidenote.

So, I got back to work for a bit, but I can only take sitting alone with my laptop for so long before I start to get bored and go crazy, so I visit facebook, I blog, I wander aimlessly around my house, I try to call a few people...

And then I just get really lonely. And I start to think about the fact that I haven't spent much time with anyone besides James lately, even though I know there are people in Hamilton who I would love to spend time with, and that there are groups of people I know who have gotten together this week, and I just feel like I don't know how to become a part of those relationships. Do I need to put myself out there better? And how? How am I so relationally-challenged? I just wish that on night's like this when I'm feeling crumby and going nuts from being at home all day there was someone I knew well enough to call up and be like "Hey! I'm going nutso from being alone! Wanna hang out?"
This is so ridiculous! I need to take "friend-making 101" or something.
Ok. Now that I've got that off my chest, I should do something scrape cookies off a pan :P Wanna help...?

Oh dear, it's started...

So, I'm working on my first assignment.

Am I allowed to have a nap? I want to go swimming. Or hiking. Or clean my kitchen/bathroom/livingroom/front porch/yard.

I swore I wouldn't let it happen this way this year...that I would just GET THE WORK DONE and not spend time distracting myself and procrastinating. I was doing SO well...I sat through ALL of the millions of pages of reading I had to do this week, and now I have to write 4-5 pages on it, and suddenly I'm thinking "There's lots of time between now and Monday afternoon to write 4-5 pages..." Even though I KNOW that Saturday and Sunday would be WAY more fun if I just hunkered down and got a lot done now.

But I still want a nap. Or a swim.

A Question...

I've been doing some interesting reading for one of my seminar classes, "Global Humanitarianism: The Paradoxes of Giving." Neat stuff. I came across a question in one of my readings that I am interested to see how people answer.

" When our passive feelings are almost always so sordid and so selfish, how comes it that our active principles should often be so generous and so noble? When we are always so much more deeply affected by whatever concerns ourselves, than by what concerns other men, what is it which prompts the generous, upon all occasions, and the mean upon many, to sacrifice their own interests to the greater interests of others?" - Adam Smith

I think for myself, and perhaps for others, it is a conscious awareness and dislike of my selfishness that leads me to intentionally act against it. For those of us coming from a Christian frame of reference, it is also because we have been commanded to love others and to consider ourselves as stewards of the resources we have been given.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.
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