Feeling Resolute?

I guess you could say my New Year's resolution this year is to add one thing a week to my daily routines to inch me toward what an "ideal" day might look like.  So each week, I add one thing to my morning, and one thing to my evening.

So far, it's been:

Week 1 - established consistent wake up and bed times.

Week 2 - scripture first, floss

This is Week 3.  Week 3's resolution is "wipe up".  When I'm done in the bathroom in the morning, I'll return all my stuff to my drawer, grab a cloth or towel I used that morning, and give the counter a quick once-over.  Same at night.

But the thing that will take WAY more resolve this week?

the sleep training.

It's just not working.  And by it, I mean me.

I can't stick to it.

Mostly because I want to tell the sleep doula lady to take her plan and shove it.

So.  We decided tonight that I need to come up with the plan, and James will implement it,
but I need to be behind it.

The plan basically is no nursing at night, because when he wakes up, that's what he wants, so we need to break the association of
nursing = sleeping.

(I know lots of you have all kinds of opinions on that, but our family needs a solid night's sleep to function with our current commitments, and I'm pretty sure this is the only way we're gonna get it).

Instead of nursing, one of us (James) will pat his back and "shhhh" him, slowly removing the patting and just "shhhh"ing, then moving the "shhh"ing into the hall.

(I've been "shhhhhh"ing for an hour and half.  I'm currently on the floor outside his bedroom door "shhhhh"ing.  and I'm still in my work clothes.
and my house is a mess.
and the babysitter's coming here tomorrow.
and there are currently no lunches made for tomorrow.
and the diapers need to be washed.)

So, the resolution of the week is "wipe up."

But the real resolve is required to get through this week's sleep plan.

And release my grip on all that stuff that I can't change right now.

That Sleep Thing

I had kinda made a decision that I wasn't going to keep returning to the subject of sleep, 'cause everyone had probably heard me complain enough.

That said, we recently started some sleep training and I've had a couple people ask me about it, and rather than repeatedly answering intermittent questions here and there on facebook, I figured I'd get it all out once and for all for those who want to know.  The rest of you, stop reading, I guess.

As has been established, my dear boy has never been a huge fan of sleeping.  At one, we were still bouncing him to sleep for naps and bedtime, and he was waking up anywhere from twice to five times a night, his longest stretches of sleep maxing out around 4 hours (he did sleep through the night once...and occasionally he would sleep 6 hours, but those were pretty rare occasions).

So.  It was time to do something, 'cause we were becoming pretty cranky, disfunctional people.  Haydon, somehow, was perfectly functional and downright happy-go-lucky all day long, which completely baffles me, but, apparently he doesn't need as much sleep as I do.

I got EVERY possible book out of the library or from friends.  From Ferber to Weisbluth to Sheedy-Kurcinka to Pantly to Douglas, we've read it (and a couple others, I just can't remember their names right now).  We tried some things.  Didn't have much success.  Finally, my parents offered to pay for us to have a consultation with a sleep doula.

So, for too much money, we filled out a questionnaire about what our daily routines are, whether or not Haydon has any health issues, what we do to get him to sleep, how long he sleeps, etc etc.  The next day, we had a phone conversation with the sleep doula, she asked some more questions to clarify and expand on what we had stated in the questionnaire, and came up with the following:

- at 1, he should be able to sleep through the night without nursing

- he needs to be put in his bed awake

-he needs to learn to use "his own tools" to put himself back to sleep at night

The method she suggested to accomplish this is to stick with a consistent bedtime routine, put Haydon in his crib awake, tell him it's time to sleep and that we'll come and get him in the morning.  Then, we offer verbal support from somewhere where he can't see us - so, for us, just outside his bedroom door.  On the first night you talk consistently as long as he's crying, reassuring him, telling him he's safe and that it's time to sleep.  The second night you don't talk, but you shush as long as he's crying.  The third night, you shush intermittantly.

The first night James did it on his own, 'cause we were both worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it.  I slept at my parents, while he tackled the night.  Haydon fell asleep after about an hour.  He didn't wake up again until 2:30ish (which is huge - he usually wakes up at least twice before we go to bed at night, and again once or twice before 2:30).  It took him another hour to fall asleep at that point.  He woke up again at 6.  James (based on the sleep doula's advice) decided to stick it out because our goal wake up time is 7.  He cried for 50 minutes, slept for 10, then started the day.

The second night I put Haydon to bed and did the shushing.  He went to sleep after about 25 minutes.  He woke up around 11:30, and fell asleep after 15 minutes, and then again 2:30ish, and was up an hour that time.  He woke up just before 7.

Night 3...ugh.  Bedtime went well.  He fell asleep after 15 minutes, but was up consistently from 12:45-3:30.  That was long and painful and harrowing.  We got him out once to change his bum, gave him a good long hug, and put him back in.  Shortly after that (which was a good 2 hours in), James went in and laid on his bedroom floor, but didn't look at or talk to him.  He fell asleep about 10 minutes after that, woke up 7ish.

Last night.  Oy vey.  Again - huge bedtime success.  He didn't want to be put down, and was pretty clingly as I approached his crib, but he laid down, let me cover him up, didn't stand up as I left, and was totally out within one minute.  He slept 'til 12:30, but was then up for 2 hours.  The frustrating thing is, at first, he put himself back to sleep right away, and then 5 minutes later he was up again, and couldn't calm himself.  James went in and patted his back for awhile.   I eventually changed his bum, gave him a hug and put him back, thinking we could try a repeat of the night before, but he was screaming (not just fussing as he had other nights).  I gave in and nursed him.  He didn't fall asleep nursing, and we put him back down awake, and he fell asleep shortly after that.  Still semi-successful, I'd say, 'cause he did the falling asleep on his own.

I'm not sure where to go from here.  I've started putting him down awake for naps, and he isn't crying.  He plays in his crib and talks to himself, calling out occasionally.  He just took an hour to fall asleep, but I think that's progress.  I'm so happy that he's falling asleep on his own, but not sure what to do about the night -wakings.  I'm ok with nursing once or twice in the night, but not sure if he'll return to waking up more frequently if he expects that I'll nurse him, and not really sure I can explain to him "I'll do this once, but then that's it 'til morning."

The frustrating thing is that the sleep doula says that most children at this age have a hard time with the initial put-down, but not with night-wakings.  I'm not really comfortable just leaving him to cry and cry, and she says "He's just being feisty.  We know he can do it because he does it at bedtime."  I don't really like turning not sleeping into bad behavior at this time, because I'm not sure that he's able to rationalize it in those terms, and I know I certainly like having someone to cuddle with at night, so why shouldn't he?

So that's where we're at.  I think it's better than where we were a week ago, but I'm not sure that it will be any better a week from now, and James and I can't really handle being up for such long stretches in the night while trying to work and do school.  If you're a pray-er, please pray with us that Haydon figures out how to put himself back to sleep at night, and pray that we would have wisdom in knowing how to respond in the night in a way that won't cause us to return to a multiple wakings, but wouldn't leave us up for hours either.

No Sleep = Angry Mama

For the love of all that's good in the world.

We need some sleep.

Or something.very.bad.might.happen.

I don't mind getting up in the morning (the very early morning).  Usually it means I plug in the Christmas lights, get a few toys out, grab my bible and sit on the couch while the wee man plays happily.  Usually this doesn't happen until after 5.

But no.  Not today. 

Today?  Today we started this glorious getting up ritual at 3:30.

Yep.  You saw that right.  3:30.

I nursed for an hour, then practically jumped up and down with the boy in my arms, desperately trying to rock/bounce him back to sleep.

But to no avail, so, at 4:30, we came downstairs, me thinking, at least I can just veg on the couch while he plays.

But, no.  Not today.  Today, he's a crank.  He doesn't want to play, he doesn't want to be held, he doesn't want breakfast, I don't think he knows what he wants, but it doesn't seem to be anything I can offer him.

Me?  I know what I want.

I want to go back to bed.

Morning Tunes

It's a good thing there's music in this life.  Not sure what I'd do otherwise.

We sleep less in this house lately then we did in Haydon's first month.  The only thing that made that month harder is that now I've at least got breastfeeding figured out, and I'm not in pain from labour.  

Last night was particularly rough.  We seem to have returned this week to a desire for playtime in the middle of the night.  I'd gotten to the point that I could handle multiple night wakings.  James would bring him to me, he'd nurse back to sleep, I'd wake up in a fog 45 minutes later and carry him back to his crib (I can't sleep when he's in our bed, otherwise we'd just cosleep).   Getting up multiple times had become manageable...but being up for 1-2 hours in the middle of the night I just can't handle.  Last night (this morning?), Haydon got up at around 2, we nursed, then he decided it was playtime...James came in at 3 and said he needed me to take over.  Then he went downstairs and made himself hotdogs????  I think I got him back down around 3:30, then we were up for the day at 5:30.

It's hard to remember that James and I are allies, not adversaries, in this sleep war.  We do a pretty good job of taking turns and supporting each other, but, as the sleepiness increases, so does the selfishness.  Thankfully, we are pretty reasonable and level-headed - even in our disagreements.  This morning, we both lay in bed with Haydon crawling all over us, discussing who's turn it was to get up.  James had gotten up the past two mornings...but my "sleep ins" still required me to be up by 7 and getting ready for the day.  He got to sleep in 'til 8:30 on Tuesday...I'm green with envy.  Learning that it's important to express my needs/desires at time other than when we're both exhausted, begrudging the thought of having to crawl out of our warm cozy bed.  Lunch will be a better time to say that I need a day for "sleep in" to mean more than sleep 'til I need to get up for work.

In general we've learned that discussing sleep needs and night strategies is the best way to make sure that we share the load and don't get resentful...'cause in the middle of the night, I'm pretty sure it's NEVER my turn.  Deciding as we crawl into bed who will respond when avoids those argusations about who's been up more in the night while the crying crescendos from the next room.

Back to the music.  There were literally tears in my eyes as I changed the diaper this morning and stumbled down the stairs.  I grabbed my ipod.  I have a playlist called "morning tunes."  I made it long before I had a baby.  The original thought was that these were songs that would set my mind in the direction I'd like my day to take.  This morning, as I was pretty sure it was impossible to care for this needy little being in my sleepy stupor, the song that came on first was an oldie but a goodie by Audio Adrenaline..."If I keep my eyes on Jesus, I can walk on water...", and a few songs later, the reminder that "strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord..."

And so, with music blaring, I will get through this day.  By the grace of God, I will love this teething boy and his snoring daddy.  Doesn't mean it's easy...

Morning Comes Early

That was the name of one of the pieces in my piano book when I took lessons as a little girl.  I always thought it was funny, and kind of strange.  I didn't really get it.

Lately, do I ever get it!

Morning comes very early around here these days.  When we rise, the time on the clock usually starts with a '4.'  The little anti-sleep has been helped along by daylight savings time to an all-new record in sleep ridiculousness.  James and I take turns getting up with the chipper little man, and he usually ends up going down for a nap between 7:00 and 7:30 (I used to be disgusted that our naps start when normal people get up - now I just laugh).  On the days when I work, James gets up, letting me sleep a leeeeetle longer in preparation for my day.  This, unfortunately, means that on the days I don't work, I have to get up at a ridiculous time.  So much for those lost lovely days of sleeping in on a day off (pondering the fact that James doesn't have to get up for work on his sleep-in days, so, kind of actually gets to sleep in...lucky duck).

The funny thing is, I'm actually starting to enjoy these early mornings.  Haydon is so happy when he gets up, and is content to play fairly independently.  I'm trying to make a point of spending some time in scripture before I pop open the computer, and so I close the living room doors, set toys out for him, and let the word seep into my consciousness to the soundtrack of bangs and beeps and giggles.

Sleep?  Yeah, I'd like more of that.  But Scripture - I need more of that.  Sleep will return, some day.

Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
   He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
   And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
   gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
   young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
   They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
   they walk and don't lag behind.

- Isaiah 40:28-31, The Message

Crazy Going Slowly Am I...

I feel like I'm living in an Erma Bombeck book.  Seriously.  As I rush out the door in a whirlwind of books and bottles, it's pretty humourous some mornings. 

Tuesday, I was about 6 blocks away when I realized I had forgotten my breast pump.  And that I hadn't nursed Haydon in at least 3 hours.  It was a good thing I had left for work early.  I whizzed back, nursed him, grabbed the pump and left.  I'm sure the babysitter thought I was nuts.

I used to always look wonder why people with kids were so scattered.  Why couldn't they just show up somewhere, on time, with their kids dressed with matching socks?  And why were the kids always eating some sort of take-a-long breakfast?  Hahahaha...I so get it now.  Getting ourselves out the door early in the morning is quite the production.  And I only have one, and I can't get anywhere on time anymore (James asked me tonight if my mom, who has been known to be chronically late, was like that before she had children...wait...my mom existed before she had children!?!)    

And then there's days like today.  I know I'm not superwoman.  But somedays I feel like I'm starting to come close.

I went to work (teaching today).

I came home on my lunch break and nursed Haydon and hung clothes out to dry.

Went back to work.

Came home and asked the babysitter if she could stay a bit longer so that I could cut the grass and clean up the disgusting mess of grapes that have fallen from our grapevine 'cause we haven't gotten around to picking them.

Ok.  So, maybe that's not all that much.  It was in my head when I decided I'd make a beautiful supper too.  But then I decided that James could make his own dinner, 'cause I was going to be fed at book club.  

And then I sat on the floor while Haydon played and tried to finish the book for book club.  

And then I went to book club.

(Thank the good Lord for good books and great woman to discuss them with!!!)

But seriously.  There's something about being the person bringing home the bacon, AND doing the laundry, AND cutting the grass that just feels like...a lot.  

And don't get my wrong, that husband guy is probably still a Saint, but it sure has been a tough week as we sort out our new roles and added responsibilities on not a ton of sleep.  Let's just say that tempers have been a bit short this week.

Someone at book club asked me tonight if I did ridiculous things because I'm tired enough to be crazy.  

Oh, maybe.

Like get the coffee all set to go this morning, except not actually put any coffee into the machine, only to be super disappointed when I came back to a pot of hot murky water.

Or fill the car up with gas, only to look in my side mirror five minutes later and notice that I hadn't put the cap on the tank.

Or stay up blogging when I should be sleeping 'cause the husband's working on a report that will likely keep him up most of the night and so that baby's all mine when he gets up.  Every time (shall we bet on how many tonight?  I think four).

I used to be able to gather thoughts and right witty, smart sentences in posts that were somewhat themed and thought out.  This...this...I don't even know what this is.

Goodnight.  And Goodluck.

no rest for the weary

I'm going to whine.  And maybe cry.  And rant a little.  That's what blogs are for.

If I run into you today, I'll downplay it, and say "Oh, it's not that bad...you just need to change your expectations a bit.  We're managing fine."  And I suppose we are.  

But, seriously.

We need to figure out this damn sleep thing.

I say that as the parent who didn't do the getting up in the night.  

I honestly don't know how he does it.  It amazes me that he doesn't have melt downs in the day.  James brought him into me to nurse twice last night.  I check the clock when I take him back to bed.  Once at 1:45.  The second time at 3:30.  That's not even two hours in between, and I know James tried to soothe him for awhile before bringing him to me to nurse, so, if he was up, spent time with James, nursed, and THEN it was 3:30, he certainly didn't sleep long in between.  Oh, and did I mention he was up for good at 4?  Oh, and that I'm working 3-11 tonight and somehow have to support my husband in getting some homework done this morning so I can't just hide in bed all morning?  Oh, and that I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR MORE THAN 5 HOURS IN 9.5 FRIGGIN' MONTHS!

15 days to our weekend away...Not really sure what that will look like for my parents who won't be able to nurse him back to sleep.  Was going to try to work toward night weaning so that it would be easier for them, but, at this point, I do whatever I can to get however much sleep it'll get me.

The Impulse Buy

I'm not spending money 'til December, 'member?

Except for yesterday.

Mom and I went to Once Upon A Child to look for some stuff for her house - play pen, high chair, gates, etc.  We found a nice play pen.

We also found a BEAUTIFUL set of bedding and curtains.

Here's the problem:  Bumper pads had been on the list of stuff that was exempt from the spending fast.  Lately every time I walk into Haydon's room, if he's not sitting up, he's screaming with one of his chunky thighs stuck between the crib rails.

And this is why one should be intentional about purchases.  See, if I had gone out looking for bumper pads, I would likely have come home with one of those breathable things that can weave through the rails so your kid doesn't get stuck.  Or maybe I would've kijiji'd for something inexpensive.  Or even said something on facebook to see if anyone had any that they're not using.

But no.  I went wandering through Once Upon A Child.

And saw this:

Isn't it pretty!?  Now I not only have bumper pads, but curtains, a comforter, goofy pillows and a bunch of weird hangy things that I wasn't really sure what to do with, and don't need.  I like it, I think, although it's a bit busy.  I feel like the crib could be entered in a parade.  But it feels nice in his room now - we hadn't really done any decorating other than paint it, so now it actually feels like a baby boy's room.

And I've had a LOT of time to enjoy looking at it tonight...
(stop reading here if you're sick of the sleep-whining)

I don't know what to do with that kid!  Lately he'll go to bed ok, then 45 minutes to an hour later, he wakes up and he's up until 10, 11, even midnight one night.  He's just up and ready to go!  He giggles at us, babbles, talks to his stuffed animals, practices his standing.  He's just not tired!  I'll try nursing, we'll try walking with him or rocking, rubbing his back, just sitting in the room while he's in his crib, and nothing works.  Last night, it was 11:00 before we were able to get to bed, and he didn't sleep longer than two hours between wakings all night long.

Anyway.  He's asleep right now.  James just came out of there.

In the interest of full disclosure with the spending stuff, I also bought gas yesterday.  Tomorrow it's groceries and some babyproofing stuff - we need some drawer and cupboard clasps.

Goodnight (I hope!)

Whining

I'm going to whine.

I know my life is not that bad.

I'm still going to complain.

That kid was up 5 times last night.

Yesterday I was hanging onto the fact that he was still napping well.  He decided not to today, so I haven't got much left to hang onto.  He usually has a good morning nap; he goes down sometime between 7:30-8:30.  Maybe 9 if he slept a little later.

It was 10:45 today, and only after a good long walk in the wrap before he went to sleep.

And I have a headache, a sore throat, a job application to submit today, a line full of clothes to bring in 'cause there are no men around to do that today, and a disgustingly messy kitchen.  and bathroom.  and baby's room.  And I still haven't heard about the job I was interviewing for yesterday, and every other time that agency has been in touch with me within an hour, so I'm starting to worry...

There are still good things.

Like egg salad.

And potted mums.  I saw potted mums outside a convenience store.  My favourite season is coming!!!

Buying Stuff

We bought stuff today.

Just thought you should know.

2 baby gates (off kijiji), and some gripe water to try to help the Anti-Sleep.

And because I'm such a great parent, I left the baby gates leaning against a door frame.  And then had to go out, so, I set up the stroller.  I carried the stroller past Haydon, who was heading toward the gates and muttered under my breath "Pull those down on yourself, why don't ya."  Shocking.  That's exactly what he was doing when I came back in.  He was fine, just startled.

Ya, and the gripe water.  James bought that tonight, on a walk, with our little man, at about 8:30.  Why?  BECAUSE HE WON'T GO TO SLEEP DAGNABBIT!  He was doing SO well while we were on holidays...and now.  He's still napping well.  I'm hanging on to that.  But seriously, it was midnight last night when the 3 of us finally got to bed.  Tonight he went to sleep at about 9, but has been up twice since then, and it's only 10:30.

Anywhoooooo.  It's bedtime.  Gotta get it while the gettin's good.

Waupoos Island

We had an absolutely lovely vacation.

We shared a beautiful cottage on Waupoos Island with St. James' family.  It was one lovely week.  Waupoos Island is this neat little island in Prince Edward County (I know!  Twice in as many weeks!  We had scheduled this vacay a long time ago - it was just a fluke that we ended up visiting my parents there a couple of weeks ago).  The island is small; it has maybe 15 cottages on it, no stores, no paved roads, no phone service.  It's home to a giant herd of sheep, and about 10 goats.  I have to confess I was a little leary at the idea of spending a week on an island with my in-laws, but it turned out to be great.  We had a little boat to shuttle us back and forth to the mainland, which was about 5 minutes away.  We spent some days just chilling on the island, and went across to check out some of the beautiful tastes and sights of Prince Edward County.

It was everything a vacation should be.  I rested, I played, I ate good food, I enjoyed good company.  There was no phone, no TV, no internet (although there was a computer - St. James brought his laptop to play some games on, his chosen way to relax).  There were people to share meal-making and child care.  There was water nearby (I went for a couple good long swims - so nice not to have to turn around at the end of a lane!).  And there was time. Time spent evaluating life and thinking about what's important.

And here are some of the things I thought about and decided.

Less internet is a good thing.  

I walked into this beautiful cottage, and immediately started thinking about how I could blog about it.  What pictures I could take to showcase the beautiful decorating.  Instead, I journaled that night.  And I didn't even have to think about who might be reading and how I was presenting myself.  And I was able to reflect without being on a stage.  And that's a good thing (apparently this is a Martha Stewart phrase, which I was unaware of - I say it all the time.  There was a book of hers at the cottage titled "Good Things" that was full of, well, you can guess...good things one can make).  Anyway, I have resolved to spend less time on facebook.  I'm going to aim to try to only check in the morning, maybe at lunch, and once around supper time, then put it away and not check in the evening.  I'm also going to stop charging my iPhone in the bedroom so that I'm not looking at it in bed.  James and I often are sitting in bed, each staring at our own little screen, and that is ridiculous.

Less stuff is a good thing.

It was good to be in a nice, open space that wasn't cluttered.  It was good to know that we got by comfortably with the things we had taken with us.  I am going to start getting rid of stuff, left, right and centre.  If we borrowed something from you, you're getting it back.  If I don't need it, or it's not beautiful, it's not staying.

Less spending is a good thing.

Ok, so this is not something that we practiced while on vacation, but something we decided to do.  We have toyed with the idea of doing a spending fast a couple of times before, but never actually done it.  We're going to do it this time.  Between now and Christmas, we are not going to purchase anything other than food, hygiene necessities, and any baby essentials that come up.  There are a few things that we've decided we do need to buy (closet doors and baby gates now that that kid is on the move, a carrier that James is comfortable with - he's decided he'll babywear!, I may need some clothes if I start a new job).  We'll eat out twice a month, as that is something that our friends often do after church, and time with friends is important to us.  It's going to be tough!  James and I are both pretty bad at justifying purchases with "It was a really good deal!" or "We'll use it in the future!".  I'm also horrible at not planning meals carefully, and then buying prepared food or eating out 'cause it's easier.  I'll blog about the challenge - and I'm going to "confess" everything we buy in the next few months.  By not spending, we are hoping to take a significant chunk out of our debt, and move one step closer to the dream kitchen that is percolating in my mind.


More sleep is GREAT thing!
We slept!  Haydon slept!  He's figured out going to bed - FINALLY!  He had some great naps, and went to bed easily so that we could enjoy playing games with other adults in the evenings - THANK GOD!  He's still getting up twice in the night - although, there was one night, when he only got up at 2, and slept until 6 after that, and I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.  And he's also getting up pretttty early (like, 5?).  But, it's getting MUCH better.


And now we're back to life, back to reality.  My house feels cluttered and disorganized.  I have decisions to make about jobs that are overwhelming.  I have all these things that I want to do to make life full and more enjoyable - like decluttering and all that jazz, but they take time.  Trying to balance the desire to do my best with giving myself grace in the areas I can't always excel at is tricky.  But I am inspired and motivated to tackle life in a new way, and am excited to see what's to come.  


...and looking forward to our next vacation.  St. James and I booked a B&B in Stratford for our fifth anniversary.  Bring on October 15!

The Anti-Sleep

I haven't complained about sleep yet this week.

I have requested a couple of books from the library.

(Haydon is currently finger painting with a puddle of puke he just produced.  Gross.)

That kid just won't nap!  Which would be ok, if he would let us sleep at night, but I NEED some sleep at some point!  And to make it worse it's not like he appears to be tired.  He's ridiculously happy. It's like he's taunting me as he giggles away in his crib. He doesn't have melt downs.  He doesn't fuss.  I on the other hand, do fuss, and have melt downs.

Last night he was up constantly.  His tummy bothers him.  We go pick him up, and as soon as he's upright, he burps (or pukes on me) , and is ready to go back to sleep.  Except for the times he's not ready to go back to sleep and takes an hour to go back to sleep.  I think I'm gonna make a doctor's appointment, 'cause I think if his tummy wasn't bugging him he'd sleep better.  Or at least that's what I like to tell myself.

Today he hasn't napped at all, except for about 20 minutes in the stroller.  And not for lack of trying.

He's developing sleep-related nick names.  Like The Anti-Sleep.  Mr. No-Nap.

But enough of that.

I've just come up with a delicious gourmet Kraft Dinner recipe.

No, this is not one of those mommy-blogs where you will find wonderful and nutritious organic meals to feed your children who sleep well while mama spends time doing meaningful things like read or pray.  Here, you will find one sleep deprived mama who doesn't always do a very good job of caring for herself (or her home lately) and loves KD.

But, I realize that lately I've been eating a lot of carbs and not much veggies or protein.

So, I've added to my KD chopped up wieners and broccoli.  Yum.

Maybe that's how I should make my fortunes.  A Gourmet Kraft Dinner Recipes blog.

Lullabies

The current sanity-maintaining method of sleep-inducing is a loooooooong nurse followed by a looooooong rock, accompanied by lullabies.  I tell myself I'm not going anywhere for at least a half hour, so that I'm not tempted to try and put him down before he's in a deep enough sleep, only to be disappointed by the "waaa-aaaa-aAAAAH" when he hits the mattress.  I sit down, and close my eyes (eye contact leads to giggling, which does NOT lead to sleeping), and I sing, and sing, and sing, and after awhile, I tell myself I'll peak when I'm done the next song, and usually he's asleep.

This process has reminded me that there are some great lullabies out there.  Or great songs, at least, that are very conducive to lulling.  Here are some of my favourites:

I think this is one of my favouritist ones ever...oh Ernie

I had a hard time choosing between classic Kermit the Frog, this one by Jason Mraz, and a Sarah McLachlan rendition that was also beautiful.

This one was sung to me by many camp counselors over the years :)


Unfortunately I can't find ANYWHERE (so much for this wonderful internet invention) the one that I have chosen to be "our" song for our kids.  We sang it as a choir in highschool, and I just love the sentiment.  Here are the lyrics:

Roots and Wings

Roots and wings are precious things
They're all I have; they're all you need.
Someday you'll fly, and say goodbye - 
I give you roots and wings.


A place to grow, safe and strong
Where love will always be.
And when it's time, to spread your wings
I will set you free.

Roots and wings are precious things

They're all I have; they're all you need.

Someday you'll fly, and say goodbye - 

I give you roots and wings.

For Crying Out Loud

We've abandoned cry it out.
Well, I have.  St. James does what he's told.

I was willing to try the crying, if it led to sleeping.  "The Book" said that after 4 nights, he should slip blissfully off to sleep after a matter of minutes.  Well, he didn't.  Add to that the fact that I was out every evening last week while the crying experiment was taking place, and I am no longer out every evening and can't stand it, it's over.  "The Book" said he would soon learn that his bed was a safe and happy place and would fall asleep on his own. Well, watching him writhe around in his crib, covered in sweat and tears, did not lead me to believe his crib was becoming a safe and happy place.  Add to that the fact that my once-happy baby who would sit on the floor and play independently for quite awhile has started bursting into tears the minute I leave his bedroom, and I'm done.

Not really sure what's next (not really looking for suggestions, either).  For now, it's cuddle-fest, 'cause he seems to have a bit of an ear infection and isn't sleeping much at all.  Or that's just my latest excuse, 'cause when did he ever really sleep much...?

Cry Perchance to Sleep Perchance to Dream

It's 11:25am.

I put Haydon down for a nap shortly after 9:00am.

He's still sleeping.

Not only has he been napping for almost 2.5 hours, he only got up once last night to eat, around 3:00am, and slept on to 7:00am.  I haven't got that much sleep in AGES.

Here's the confession...

We've started cry it out.

The confession that comes with this confession is that the judgmental side of me always thought "How can you POSSIBLY let your poor baby cry him/herself to sleep!?!  You must be somewhat less human than I am...We will NEVER do that!"

My apologies.  I get it now.

Haydon's sleep has been HORRIBLE for the past couple of weeks.  I'm talking, as bad as when he was first born horrible.  And it was ok when he was new, 'cause that's what new babies do, get up every 2ish hours.  Babies over 6 months...?  They do not need to do this.  And mamas need to sleep.  The only way Haydon was getting to sleep was by one of us walking him around his room, for a long time sometimes.  We tried putting him in his crib awake and patting him, we tried giving him comfort objects, we tried, we tried, we tried.

And so, at the beginning of this week, after 3-4 nights in a row of very little sleep, I said to James "I think I'm ready to try cry it out."  I also decided it was time to be more scheduled with naps.

We started yesterday.  It's already 10million times better.

At 9:00am yesterday morning, we went in, nursed, sang a little song, and put my (mostly) sleeping baby in his crib.  As usual, as soon as he touched the mattress, he popped his eyes open, craned his head up to looked at me, and giggled.  And I left.  And he cried, for about 45 minutes, and then slept 'till about 10:30.  Not great - as much crying as there was sleeping, but, I'd read that it can take awhile, and it wasn't as bad as some of the horror stories I'd heard.

At 1:00pm, we went in, nursed, he fell asleep, I set him down, he stayed asleep.  Hooray!  He slept until about 3:30PM.  Not too shabby.

At 6:45pm (a little earlier than I'd like, but I'm volunteering at church every evening this week, so that's when it's gotta be), we went in, nursed, he fell asleep, but woke a little as I got up to put him in his crib.  He was still stirring when I left.  James said he cried for about 45 minutes.  But he stayed asleep... most nights, he wakes up multiple times and needs to be resettled before we go to bed.  Didn't happen last night.  Most nights, he wakes up around 11:00pm, 1:00am, 3:00am, and 5:30am.  He slept 'till 3:00am, I fed him, and he slept on until 7:00am.

This morning, at 9:00am, we went in, nursed, he fell asleep...

...he's still sleeping.

HALLELUJAH!