Friday, February 11

Some Marriage Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately.
It seems to be coming up in conversations with friends, and in blogs I've been reading.  
Funny, when life seems to synthesize things, how the same topic creeps into my consciousness from different and disconnected sources.
Funny, too, how much I've needed it right now.

I am blessed to be part of a pretty fantastic marriage.
There are times when we look at each other, and smile, and say
"I think we're pretty lucky...I don't think it comes this easy for most."

The problem is, those times have been happening less frequently.

In fact, I don't think either of us would say it's coming easy these days.

We said those words...
those words about better or worse, sickness and health, happiness and sorrow.

Does anyone really know what it will mean 
to hold 
through the worse, the sickness, the sorrow when they say those words?

How can we?

James has been sick a lot this winter.
Nothing serious, but a series of colds, ear infections, sniffles, exhaustion.
Nothing to worry about, but enough that he's just not been able to do a lot of the things that he usually does.
(and he usually does a LOT!)

And I've been convicted lately that I haven't done a good job of loving him.

I have loved what he can do for me.
And as that list has become shorter
so has my patience.

In talking with a friend about marriage, and choosing a partner, I was struck as she shared the advice of another, who said that regardless of all the little details and practicalities that could be considered in a partnership, what it really comes down to is:

This is the person that I love.

And because I love this person, and want to spend my life with this person, we'll work through those challenging areas in which our partnership might not be so ideal.
And that's what struck me.

I have not done a good job at loving James.
I have loved his suppers, and his diaper washing, and his parenting.
But when he hasn't felt up to delivering?
I've been downright frustrated and annoyed.

And so, as Valentines Day approaches
(not that I think we should hang our romances on one cold day in February)
I am going to try harder to adore that guy.
I am going to find ways to show and tell him that I love him, 
even if the dishes aren't done and I'm tired and frustrated.

'Cause this is the person that I chose.
 This is the person that I love.


For some more thoughts on marriage, check out
*Ann Voskamp, How to {make} Love 

1 comment:

  1. I think when you're having a hard time loving yourself, it's sometimes hard to love those who love you. Your post about mediocrity makes me think that there's a self-blah going on for you right now. I'm not making excuses - I'm just saying. Marriage isn't easy, and we do have to choose. I sometimes feel guilty that I don't love J like he loves me.
    When things are shiny and we make the wedding promises, we don't know what we're going to face. But I know that the trials J and I have gone through together have made us a stronger unit. I need to remind myself of that now when we're dealing with his unemployment.
    I work on remembering what makes me sure that I married a very good man. And that's not dishes and laundry (though I'm thrilled he does those things).


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