Eating Humble Pie With my (open) Hands

It was so good to worship with God's people this morning.

I am so glad that I won't have to miss out on church because of work anymore.

You know that whole "open hands" thing I'm trying?

That whole not being a control-freak thing?

It's coming along, little by little.

James was leading worship this week. 

I usually have to have my nose right in there as he's picking songs,
sharing my two cents,
telling him why my way's better.

This time, I backed off, I stayed out of it.

But, after thinking awhile on the text for the week, I called downstairs:

"I don't know if you're all done, but I was thinking that this song might fit really well after the sermon.
Take it or leave it."

(Did you know I was capable of not being pushy!?  Me neither...)

He thought it was a good fit.  He replaced his choice with mine.  He liked it.

And then, as we listened to the pastor speak this morning, he steered his sermon right into the song that James had initially picked, which I saw no connection to the day before.

I texted James (he wasn't sitting with me)

"You were right on with "Nothing But the Blood"

And he was.

And he changed it back.

And it was spot on.

That guy of mine is so good.  

For some reason, I doubt his perception.  Way too often.

And he patiently listens to my criticisms.

And patiently doesn't criticize in return.

- - - - - - - - - -

There were a lot of good reminders for me in what was sung and spoken this morning.

Our pastor preached from Luke 18:9-14, about the not seeking to make ourselves worthy by our actions, about not considering ourselves better than those around us.

A life-long battle 

for me, the good girl, 

me who's so good at comparing myself, 

me who's so quick to point out "I was right!"

What a good reminder, especially as I start a new job, that
it's not about whether or not I do it better than the person before me.
It's not about showing how well I can do things.

Can I share with you some of the phrases that I jotted down in my daybook as I listened?

"Every one who exalts himself will be humbled,

and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:14

There is more to life than being right in our own eyes.

We do good out of gratitude for God's mercy, 
not because we will find merit.

Although I will never be worthy, I am far from worthless. 

Jesus saw fit to purchase my righteousness with his blood.

lean hard on God's mercy.

Sunrise of Your Smile

These beautiful words came out of my ipod this morning and spoke directly to me and where I'm at right now.

"Reject the wordly lie that says,
That life lies always up ahead,
Let power go before control 

becomes a crust around your soul,
Escape the hunger to posess,
And soul-diminishing sucess,
This world is full of narrow lives,
I pray by grace your smile survives."

- Sunrise of Your Smile, Michael Card

I could ponder and meditate those words for a long time.

Those phrases need to be my prayers, as I start a new job, and try to maintain work-life balance.

So glad for the reminder.

If you'd like to hear this beautiful song, you can listen to Michael Card perform it live here:

Conversion

I read these words today, and they resonated with me in light of my recent comparison hang-up. 

Conversion is going on all the time within us and within the world.  The radical change of Christian conversion is also going on within us at all times.  While the change of turning toward God may seem like a once-in-a-lifetime experience, it is in reality a continual process.  We may think that we have turned fully toward God; then we discover another dimension of God, and we know immediately that more conversion is possible and necessary if we are to move Godward in all of life.
Conversion is a lifelong process of turning more and more fully toward God in all that we are, possess, and do.  There may be earthshaking moments when we are being formed in the image of Christ at incredible speed and in remarkable ways.  But such moments are not the end; there is more to come as we give ourselves to the transforming power of God.
While conversion requires our decision and action, the grace and strength to be changed - to become more than we are - is the gift of God.  Conversion is a partnership project.  We cannot transform ourselves, and God does not transform us against our wishes.  However, once we invite God's transforming presence into our lives, the necessary power to change comes with the transforming presence.
It is wise not to try to dictate what our conversion will be like.  We cannot know what God has in store for us until we begin to live in harmony and companionship with God.  As our understanding of and relationship to God grow, we may begin to see where God is leading us in our conversion.  On the other hand, we may experience surprises throughout our lives as God seeks to shape us.  It is also wise not to assume that our conversion will look like, feel like, or keep pace with any other person's conversion.  Since we are unique and God is infinite, our conversion experiences will be unique as well.  The important thing is inviting God to be the master potter in our lives.  We may not know what the end product will be, but we do know that it will be good when we permit God to be the potter and we agree to be the malleable clay.

- Reuben P. Job, A Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God, 249-50

Charging My Batteries

St. James and I were sitting on the porch this afternoon, enjoying the beautiful spring day.  It was warm, breezy, felt like it might rain.  We had just puttered away in the back yard, St. James had planted some raspberry bushes, I did some weeding.  As we sat and looked at our little patch of earth, I remarked that it had been a good weekend, and that I felt good.  Better than I had in a long time.
As I reflected on why that was, I realized that the reason I felt good was because I wasn't as tired and scattered as I usually feel, and that as a couple, we had spent 2 nights in a row at home, together.    With my bum firmly planted in my patio chair, this ridiculous metaphor came to mind. I said to St. James "I feel like a cordless phone that has been carried all over the house and just needed to return to its base."   Really.  I was envisioning my bum, connecting with the chair, just like the little silver pieces in the bottom of the phone connect with the silver pieces in the base.
The phone is made to be carried all over the house and talked into, just as I am made to go out into the world, to work, to play, to see, to hear.  But the phone can't do what it's made for if it doesn't spend almost an equal amount of time on its base, charging up.  I too need to spend more time at my base, my home, to charge up so I can go out and do those other things properly.  When my phone hasn't spent enough time on its base, it beeps in my ear, or the sound quality becomes poor, or sometimes it conks out right in the middle of a conversation.  When I haven't spent enough time at my home-base, I feel frazzled, get cranky and irritable, or just plain can't follow through on commitments I've made.
After a weekend that's been spent mostly at home, with St. James, and other friends, I'm feeling re-charged.  I'm ready to start a new week, ready to go out into the world and do those things I was made for.  And ready to stay home, butt in chair, to recharge when the time comes.

Wise Words

James just found a journal I thought I had lost the last time I was at camp for the summer (2008). I was so glad he came across it - I had been reading Richard Foster's Freedom of Simplicity that summer and had written many, many quotes from it in my journal. It is jam packed with life-giving concepts. Read it. We decided that we are going to read it together over the next little while.
Here's the quote that jumped out at me tonight as I thumbed through what I had written in my journal:

Develop close friendships and enjoy long evenings of serious and hilarious conversation. Such times are far more rewarding than all the plastic entertainment that the commerical world triest to foist upon us. Value music, art, books, significant travel. If you are too busy to read, you are too busy. Discover prayer as evening entertainment. (Freedom of Simplicity, 154)

Oh, Richard. You are so wise. His book is full of little nuggets like that. Seriously, you should read it. (I just used the word "nuggets" to refer to something other than chicken. I think that puts me in the old fogey category).

I haven't blogged in ages. Remember that week that I was being crazy productive AND blogging about it? Yeah, that can only last so long. Last week I opted just for the productive part. The kitchen DID get done, I'll post pictures sometime. Other headlining news: I started scrapbooking and crocheting (fun!), my easy baby has started fussing multiple times a day and won't sleep, and I developed mastitis.