Tuesday, July 27


This will be long.
Just warning you.

I'm having a crummy day.

But, actually, the day has been fine.  That's the problem.  It's just me that's off.  When James left for work today, he said "Hope your day gets better!", and I thought, like, really...nothing bad has happened.  I just feel like, well...you know.

When I really think about it, I feel guilty for being in such a bad mood when I have so much to be thankful for.  I mean, really.  Today James was around for the morning, I had a good long hot shower, with time to shave my legs.  He made French toast, which I drank with delicious coffee. When I started making whiny noises back at Haydon and slamming things around, he sent me out to the porch with my coffee and journal so I could have some me time.  I had a nice visit with a good friend this afternoon, then went shopping and bought stuff, most of it unnecessary (but not like, frivolous, like, a daybook, and sunshades for the back windows in the car.  In fact, I refrained from buying a beautiful little book for my munchkin, and some adorable baby clothes, and a double burner camp stove.  so there).

So, like I said, that can hardly be considered a bad day.  And yet...me and this mood are not all that fun to be around.

(sidenote - because I am such a stellar mother and my baby is such a stellar napper, it's 5:30 and he's totally zonked.  Not only did he fall asleep in the car on the way home from our visiting and shopping, he hasn't eaten since he went down for his nap at noon.  And, as if I just reminded him of that, he JUST woke up as I typed that sentence)

I'm so ready to go back to work.  In September, James will be going back to school full time, and hanging out with Haydon while I work full time.  I never ever thought I would look forward to that.  Three months ago, I was trying to figure out every possible way I could not ever go back to work.  Two months ago, you could never have convinced me that I would ever enjoy anything other than staying home with Haydon, although I recognized it might have to happen.  A month ago, I was resigned to the fact that I would have to leave my baby, but not thrilled about it.  Now...it can't happen soon enough.  I suppose it's good that I feel that way, since it's how it's going to be.

I don't even remember what else I had to say.  Haydon is screaming away in his crib, 'cause our afternoon was so out of wack and bedtime didn't go as I had hoped.  I think he's tired enough that he'll go to sleep soon, but if it lasts longer than 10 minutes, I'll go rescue him.  Then the plan for the evening is to pack up to head out in the morning for a few days with my parents and sister and their RV.  I hope time with them cures this ridiculous funk, 'cause seriously, something's gotta give, and soon.

Monday, July 26

"O" is for overwhelmed...

Blast.  I have SO much to do right now.  In my head is this ridiculous list of "I need to do ____ , and I need to do ____, and____, and____, and...."  And Haydon will only sleep for so long, and rather than doing anything about any of it, I am blogging.  'Cause I'm smart like that.

There.  Breakfast was on the "I need to" list.  Just went and made some oatmeal and coffee.
(sidenote - he was definitely up before I even got to my breakfast)

So.  I need to.

- Clean up from camping
- Give my laundry line some lovin' (it's missed us).
- Buy groceries
- Pay bills.  I was really good at being on top of our finances before we had that baby.  While things are getting paid, I haven't been great at sitting down and getting a good look at the overall state of affairs and making any effort towards any of our financial goals.
- Apply for a couple of jobs.

Those are all the things that need to happen soonish.  The problem is, I`m in one of those states where you keep adding things to the list, and that`s not necessarily a good thing.  Sure, they`re things that should be done, but, not urgently.  But...I`ve put them off for so long, I feel like I need to make them happen or else they`ll never happen.

- Print some pictures.
- Frame some art and get it on the walls.
(sidenote - my baby is currently under the piano bench sucking on the pedals.  `Cause I`m an awesome mom).
- Exercise
- Journal, or jot, or write a letter to my dude to make sure we remember this baby time.  There are so many things that I swore we wouldn`t forget, that already I`m like ``was that at 3 months (blast - James keyboard keeps going into French mode, and won`t let us change it back...I was going to put a question mark after that last sentence...instead, I get an É)
- Go to Europe
- Clean out my sock drawer

...you get the picture.

Ahah!  I got it!

Anyway.  After I blogged about the Pomodoro technique (work for 25 minutes, take 5, rinse, repeat), someone suggested I check out FlyLady. *disclaimer - that is one of the most messy and disorganized websites EVER! but has some good stuff on it, if you don't have a seizure from all of the information flying at you*
FlyLady's basic premise is that you can get control of your life, 15 minutes at a time.  You can do anything for just 15 minutes. So, if you have an overwhelming job, or a room that's out of control, rather than telling yourself you have to get it all done, tell yourself you'll work on it for 15 minutes.  Then come back later, or tomorrow, and do another 15 minutes.  She also has a great program for staying on top of your home.  She has the home divided into zones, and you focus on one zone a week, for 15 minutes a day.  For example, this week's zone is the living room, and my task for today is to go through the living room and take out anything that doesn't belong in there, and take it to it's rightful home.  I think tomorrow I do a thorough dusting.

I haven't been following her program strictly, but have found that the things I am doing are making a pretty big difference.  And so, on that note, I should go set the timer and tackle the kitchen.  It's amazing what you can get done in 15 minutes.

Thursday, July 22

Thankful Thursdays

There is a blogger movement called "Thankful Thursday", and I think I'm gonna hop in the bandwagon.

This week I am thankful for grandparents.

Both James' parents and my parents have spent some time with Haydon in the past week that has allowed me to go and be more than a mom, and that is a very good thing.  On Saturday, I dropped him off with Barb and Tony and went for a stroll down Locke St, which was so nice.  Amazing what an hour of looking at pretty things can do :)

My folks came over on Tuesday, had dinner with Haydon and I, then stayed with him after he went to bed so that I could go to book club. (Sidenote - we discussed The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, which I HIGHLY recommend!).  Again, so good to go and be with adults for a night of good company, good discussion, and good food.

Thanks to our parents for parenting us, and supporting us as we parent!

Wednesday, July 21

Patticake, Patticake, Baker's Man...

...bake me a cake as fast as you can!

but Mum, I don't know how...

These kitchen tools sure are fun though!

Bon Appetit!

Tuesday, July 20


The current sanity-maintaining method of sleep-inducing is a loooooooong nurse followed by a looooooong rock, accompanied by lullabies.  I tell myself I'm not going anywhere for at least a half hour, so that I'm not tempted to try and put him down before he's in a deep enough sleep, only to be disappointed by the "waaa-aaaa-aAAAAH" when he hits the mattress.  I sit down, and close my eyes (eye contact leads to giggling, which does NOT lead to sleeping), and I sing, and sing, and sing, and after awhile, I tell myself I'll peak when I'm done the next song, and usually he's asleep.

This process has reminded me that there are some great lullabies out there.  Or great songs, at least, that are very conducive to lulling.  Here are some of my favourites:

I think this is one of my favouritist ones ever...oh Ernie

I had a hard time choosing between classic Kermit the Frog, this one by Jason Mraz, and a Sarah McLachlan rendition that was also beautiful.

This one was sung to me by many camp counselors over the years :)

Unfortunately I can't find ANYWHERE (so much for this wonderful internet invention) the one that I have chosen to be "our" song for our kids.  We sang it as a choir in highschool, and I just love the sentiment.  Here are the lyrics:

Roots and Wings

Roots and wings are precious things
They're all I have; they're all you need.
Someday you'll fly, and say goodbye - 
I give you roots and wings.

A place to grow, safe and strong
Where love will always be.
And when it's time, to spread your wings
I will set you free.

Roots and wings are precious things
They're all I have; they're all you need.
Someday you'll fly, and say goodbye - 
I give you roots and wings.

Monday, July 19

For Crying Out Loud

We've abandoned cry it out.
Well, I have.  St. James does what he's told.

I was willing to try the crying, if it led to sleeping.  "The Book" said that after 4 nights, he should slip blissfully off to sleep after a matter of minutes.  Well, he didn't.  Add to that the fact that I was out every evening last week while the crying experiment was taking place, and I am no longer out every evening and can't stand it, it's over.  "The Book" said he would soon learn that his bed was a safe and happy place and would fall asleep on his own. Well, watching him writhe around in his crib, covered in sweat and tears, did not lead me to believe his crib was becoming a safe and happy place.  Add to that the fact that my once-happy baby who would sit on the floor and play independently for quite awhile has started bursting into tears the minute I leave his bedroom, and I'm done.

Not really sure what's next (not really looking for suggestions, either).  For now, it's cuddle-fest, 'cause he seems to have a bit of an ear infection and isn't sleeping much at all.  Or that's just my latest excuse, 'cause when did he ever really sleep much...?

Wednesday, July 14


Having given it much

thoughtful consideration

I've decided food's ok.

A Poetic Peak

a snapshot of my present:

drinking iced coffee
making supper, looking out
at laundry waving

Tuesday, July 13

Cry Perchance to Sleep Perchance to Dream

It's 11:25am.

I put Haydon down for a nap shortly after 9:00am.

He's still sleeping.

Not only has he been napping for almost 2.5 hours, he only got up once last night to eat, around 3:00am, and slept on to 7:00am.  I haven't got that much sleep in AGES.

Here's the confession...

We've started cry it out.

The confession that comes with this confession is that the judgmental side of me always thought "How can you POSSIBLY let your poor baby cry him/herself to sleep!?!  You must be somewhat less human than I am...We will NEVER do that!"

My apologies.  I get it now.

Haydon's sleep has been HORRIBLE for the past couple of weeks.  I'm talking, as bad as when he was first born horrible.  And it was ok when he was new, 'cause that's what new babies do, get up every 2ish hours.  Babies over 6 months...?  They do not need to do this.  And mamas need to sleep.  The only way Haydon was getting to sleep was by one of us walking him around his room, for a long time sometimes.  We tried putting him in his crib awake and patting him, we tried giving him comfort objects, we tried, we tried, we tried.

And so, at the beginning of this week, after 3-4 nights in a row of very little sleep, I said to James "I think I'm ready to try cry it out."  I also decided it was time to be more scheduled with naps.

We started yesterday.  It's already 10million times better.

At 9:00am yesterday morning, we went in, nursed, sang a little song, and put my (mostly) sleeping baby in his crib.  As usual, as soon as he touched the mattress, he popped his eyes open, craned his head up to looked at me, and giggled.  And I left.  And he cried, for about 45 minutes, and then slept 'till about 10:30.  Not great - as much crying as there was sleeping, but, I'd read that it can take awhile, and it wasn't as bad as some of the horror stories I'd heard.

At 1:00pm, we went in, nursed, he fell asleep, I set him down, he stayed asleep.  Hooray!  He slept until about 3:30PM.  Not too shabby.

At 6:45pm (a little earlier than I'd like, but I'm volunteering at church every evening this week, so that's when it's gotta be), we went in, nursed, he fell asleep, but woke a little as I got up to put him in his crib.  He was still stirring when I left.  James said he cried for about 45 minutes.  But he stayed asleep... most nights, he wakes up multiple times and needs to be resettled before we go to bed.  Didn't happen last night.  Most nights, he wakes up around 11:00pm, 1:00am, 3:00am, and 5:30am.  He slept 'till 3:00am, I fed him, and he slept on until 7:00am.

This morning, at 9:00am, we went in, nursed, he fell asleep...

...he's still sleeping.


Monday, July 5

Monday, Monday

Whew.  It's been a while.  And a whirlwind.

Biggest excitement since I've last posted: a trip to the emergency room, and a gorgeous new baby carrier.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend got a new woven wrap.  I was already thinking I was ready for a new carrier, as Haydon's getting too heavy to carry on one shoulder in my slings, and our stretchy wrap was too, well, stretchy, for his weight.  I was thinking about a soft-structured carrier like an Ergo or a Beco, but when she started talking about how comfy and versatile her wrap was, I started to think I needed one.  Then I started reading about them on TheBabyWearer.com and I knew I needed one.  Then I spent endless hours on for-sale-or-trade forums looking at beautiful pieces of cloth and trying to figure out what I wanted.  Then someone told me about a sale at NovaNatural.com , so I was able to get a new one in a colour I liked for a decent price.  I ordered a BB Slen passion fruit woven wrap.
 And did a happy dance.
                                                                                     And then waited....

All last week, Haydon had frequent funny-looking green poops.  I wasn't too concerned about it, as we had started new cereal and he didn't seem to be uncomfortable, I thought he was just adjusting to the new food.  Saturday he came down with a fever, and was harder to settle to sleep than usual.  This was the first time he has ever been unwell (we have been so blessed thus far!).  I have always had a wild imagination, that takes me to worse case scenarios when the slightest thing happens.  As St. James and I were taking Haydon's temperature on Saturday night, in my head it was no time before we were in the hospital with him hooked up to endless wires and monitors for weeks on end.

I've been made aware of a couple of families recently who have young children undergoing chemo, which is probably why my mind went there when Haydon started to get sick.  I can't imagine what these families are going through - my heart goes out to them!  When I think about the amount of agonizing I did about a mere fever - do we give him Tylenol now?  Do we wait?  Do we go to the hospital?  Do we wait until Monday and call the doctor?   - I cannot even conceive of the decisions faced by parents of children who are struggling with long-term illness.

Anyway, Sunday morning, Haydon was still feverish.  And then he stopped peeing...After three dry diapers to which we responded with a "well, we'll see what the next one's like..." I called telehealth, around 10:00pm.  I knew that they would likely recommend that we head to the ER, and, sure enough, they did.  So, at 11:00pm, we made our first parental emergency room trip.

We are SO blessed to live in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.  As we got into the car, I said to James how lucky we were to be in Canada, as there was no way we would've been heading to the hospital over a happy baby who hadn't peed in a while if we had to pay big money for it.  TeleHealth Ontario was also really helpful.  Although there was a wait of 15-20 minutes to talk to a nurse, and they called us back, rather than having to wait on the line all that time.  When she suggested we got to the hospital, she asked where we'd be going, and sent Haydon's chart with all the info she'd taken over the phone, so we didn't have to go through all of the questions again at the hospital.  Having Hamilton's McMaster Children's Hospital a 10 minute drive away is a huge blessing.  There was a separate waiting room for little ones, and the nurses were great.  The doctor was FANTASTIC!(I wish I had got her name!), and we were home by 1:30am.  If trips to the ER can be great, this one was.

We got there, headed in to see the triage nurse, took Haydon's diaper off for her to take his temperature...and it was wet.  This was a relief, but my "wait and see how things are in the morning" side was chastising my "err on the side of caution" side.  The doctor said that often happens, and she affirmed our choice to bring him in, so that was good.

                                                                                                                           Chillin' with our friend Sophie in the waiting room

So was being in bed when we got home.  I had gotten maybe 5.5 hours of interrupted sleep the night before, and was exhausted.    Haydon was up early, as usual, and as St. James had to go to work in the afternoon, I got up with Haydon and we just chilled out watching some TV (all I had energy for). St. James got up at 11 and I showered and stuff.  Then came upstairs and laid down for a nap as Haydon was sleeping...then my wonderful husband said he thought he should stay home from work as I hadn't gotten much sleep in the past couple of nights and could probably use an extra set of hands.  I didn't say no.

Just as I was drifting off to sleep, there was a BANG BANG BANG on the door.  I knew what it was...

St. James answered the door, chatted for awhile with the delivery guy, who happened to be the dad of someone he went to cadets with as a kid.  Then he brought up the box and set it on the bed beside me.

"Are you excited!?!"
"I'm trying to decide if I should be excited or asleep...."

He put the box in the corner and suggested sleep was probably the good idea.

I tried.

And then I thought about what was in the box.

And then I thought about the friend who I'd ordered one for who would want to know that the box was here.

And then I got up and dressed and sent her a message.

And then...

It's so comfy!  I love it.  Haydon does too.
 This was my first attempt at putting him in it, and it felt pretty good!

It's also so easy to get stuff done with him in it.  Way comfier than my other carriers.

Now I have time at home with my two favorite guys (one which is currently sleeping, the other cleaning the basement - I told you they're both awesome), and a new toy to play with.  

Life is good!
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