Friday, November 20

Citizen Mom...what does that look like?

So, apparently I'm not good at blogging when I have the time to do it. Blogging seems to be one of those things that is a great distraction from the rest of life when it's super busy, and something that falls to the wayside when the busy-ness dies down.

Like now. There is noooo busy-ness. There is just one large, unemployed preggo who naps excessively and devours novels. And doesn't sleep (THAT'S when I should be blogging - when I'm laying in bed staring at the ceiling, after peeing for the 5th time that night wondering if that strange twinge might turn into labour...).

We are now nicely settled into our new place (with the exception of the basement, which looks more like the dust has just settled after a bomb went off...yikes). Baby's room is ready, car seat is in the car, and I am sooo ready for this munchkin to come out. Although, on days like today, when I have a crazy-bad migraine, I wonder how I'll manage with a baby. I've always been able to just turn the world off on migraine days - call in sick, crawl in bed, come out when I feel better. Something tells me that the baby won't allow this, and since I can't find a wet-nurse section in the yellow pages...I guess I'll just have to suck it up.

I'm practicing that today (the sucking-it-up). I got up despite headache, put on sweatpants, made my grocery list (based on a MEAL PLAN for the next week - oh yes, I am becoming a domestic goddess), and am contemplating going to buy said foods. Also contemplating laundry, but the sky can't seem to decide if it will be sunny or cloudy, and I'm not sure I can trust the weather network's prediction of no rain. There is a good breeze though. And it is currently sunny. I should go put a load in.

So, despite enjoying the domestic life thus far, I'm realizing I'm going to have to be pretty intentional about finding some non-domestic pursuits to balance what goes on between these four walls. I've spent a LOT of time in this house the past 2 weeks, and while I have enjoyed resting and nesting, I have also been finding I am getting lonely, and not feeling all that purposeful. That, and, I picked up a magazine and was reading about some social justice issues, and, let's be honest, my meal plan is not going to help with any of those things, and, we are called to "seek justice and love mercy..." so, I'd better find a way to do that.

Balance is not something I'm good at. I usually throw myself into something wholeheartedly (like school, or right now, home-managing & parenting), but am not good at doing other things alongside my main pursuit. I want to be the BEST parent I can, and I want to take time to enjoy everything that the next couple of months brings, and I think it's important that my focus is on mothering this babe in the next little while, but I think it would also be good to ensure that I have one or two things beyond that to put some time and energy into (even if it's just a tiny bit of time and energy). When I was in school, I focused so much on school that I hated it by the end. I wanted to do my best, but that came at the expensive of participating in other stuff that would've potentially made the over-all school experience more fun, rathar than just incredibly tedious please-make-this-end-soon, give me my diploma and get me OUTTA HERE! I think I fall to the opposite extreme of those people who say yes to everything and have no balance. I have gotten really good at not over-committing, and saying no to protect the things that are important, but to the extent that my sphere of importance can become quite small. Somewhere there is a mid-point - I need to find it.

So, that's the challenge for the next little while: find something that I can be a part of, that is meaningful and contributes to the well-being of those beyond my realm of selfishness (my nuclear family), and find a way to make it fit with being a mom, which is my primo priority in the next...oh, 18 years or so.

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