I don't know how to be that person I want to be, that person I think I am somewhere down inside.
I was reading a couple of posts on a couple of blogs from a couple of pretty amazing women that I've never ever met. They were thoughtful, and deep, and talked about their heritage, and their children, and being a mom, and loving Jesus. There was so much intentionality in those words, in the lives they are letting me peak into.
And I want to be that too. I want to be thoughtful about my mothering. Connected to those beyond me, those family members who have contributed to who I am.
And then there's reality. There's rushing to get to work and wash some diapers and find some healthy supper and maybe take a shower and be with my husband. There's hitting the bed hard at the end of the day, exhausted, knowing that there will be crying from the crib next door in just a couple of hours. There's needing to do it again tomorrow.
My life is not difficult. My life is so blessed, and full. I am well supported by my husband and family and friends and church community. I have all kinds of simple luxuries for which I am so thankful.
But I am not good at cultivating that depth, that intentionality in my life that I long for.
And I need to go to work now. After I help put away the groceries.
I always want to go deeper, too. Seriously, though, didn't it hit the nail on the head with your job description in the home. Ahh, you are serving and showing and loving.
ReplyDeleteI WANT TO BE LIKE THAT! Sometimes I need a little less talk and a lot more action.
Oh I soooooo feel ya - and I'm lucky enough to not have the extra time strains!
ReplyDeleteSometimes, Rachel, we all need to wait for that really deep important stuff to come. We can long for it, and pray for it - but if we force it on our lives, it's not as deep or as meaningful if we do not live in the present. I do want to encourage you though, you are a good mother, you are a good wife, you are an amazing daughter of God! You are very grateful for what you have, you always have been.
ReplyDeleteYou have this heart of gold that attracts people, and you are truly a blessing in my life, and many others.
Sometimes we need to go through the monotony of every day to truly understand the real meaning and the value of life. If we are always on top of the mountain we will not understand the depth of the valley and the value of the journey up the mountain.
That's some food for thought! :)