excuse me while I rant for a moment...

(Preface: I am incredibly aware of and thankful for the privilege and blessing of being able to have a post-secondary education. )

So, I'm sitting in a class that wastes approximately 2.6 hours of my time on a weekly basis. The topic is fantastic, the readings are fantastic, the people in the class are fantastic, the professor is extremely knowledgeable...and yet, his weekly stream of consciousness blathering is less than fantastic. If it wasn't for the participation mark, I wouldn't need to be here - he doesn't even test on his lecture material, there's no midterm or final, I'm just warming my seat for 10% of my mark. In the meantime, I have been able to order some textbooks on amazon, which I needed to get done, so, I suppose that's good.

Education is a wonderful thing, but I am constantly amazed and frustrated by the structure/system of the undergraduate world. I don't understand how one is expected to function within this system. It makes me angry that I cannot both live a healthy, balanced lifestyle, and complete the bare minimum of my school work. Is it unrealistic to want to be able to cook proper meals (as in, not pre-packaged and frozen), walk the dog, read the newspaper,
and keep my home sort of in an orderly fashion, while I go to school work? I don't think so...and yet, if I break to do these things, I have constantly hanging over my head the reading not yet done, the assignment soon due, the studying I should do. I am amazed by students who somehow manage to complete their work, volunteer in the community, participate in school activities, and maintain their friendships. I'm finding the demands of a full course-load on its own overwhelming and unattainable.

It frustrates me to be in a program (Global Studies) that is constantly opening my eyes to many of the problems and injustices of our world, related to environmental and consumer issues, and yet after I read about and respond to these issues in my papers and assignments, I don't have the time to make changes in my own lifestyle to do my part in dealing with these issues. While I know I should be walking to the market to by locally grown food, it's all I can do to swing by the grocery store on my way home and grab a frozen pizza and a bag of baby carrots. While I know it's best for me to spend the time to by second-hand clothes and not be participating in some of the oppressive systems of capitalistic production, I don't have the time to look through rack after rack and maybe find a sweater that will work, when I know that I can run into a store in the mall, pick my size and colour, and leave. Despite my awareness that walking/busing places is possible and better for me and my world, the packed schedule I have right now makes it practically impossible to get everything in without the car. It is increasingly frustrating to have the awareness that comes with my education and be limited in my actions because of the demands of that same education. ARG!

So, that's my rant today. While I am so grateful for the ability to go to school, I am so ready to be done and put my learning in action. Instead of reading and writing about the problems of the world, I'd really like to be able to rearrange my own lifestyle in my own little corner of the world in an effort to live responsibly. Get me out of the world of ideas and into the world of actions!

"nobody cares about your blog"...

...or so a t-shirt told me today. Seems to be true, as apparently nobody actually reads these :P

It's beautiful out there today. I can't wait for the weekend, to just get outside and enjoy it. This week has been a little nutso, SO much to do. I've gotten through it bit by bit. I have one more assignment due tomorrow, then I'm working in the evening, and then blessed Saturday arrives...I can't wait. James and I have been working towards trying to keep a Sabbath day once a week, it's so healthy (especially lately the way school has been). The thought of taking Charlie for a hike on Saturday is what's keeping me going.

I'm in class. I thought I had something to say, but, can't think of anything right now...I think it was just about being nice out today. I sat outside under a tree in the sunshine and finished my reading on my lunch break, it was quite nice. And my drive today was gorgeous. It was all foggy, and you would get snippets of blue/gray and then all the colours of the leaves. Quite pretty.

My cat was on fire...

...no, literally, my cat was just on fire. Burnt cat hair stinks.

So, I have an uber-ridiculous amount of school work to do this week, which is leading me to contemplate not going to my class this afternoon, being as I haven't even touched the reading, and, to drive to Waterloo for one 90 minute class when you haven't read the material seems kind of silly when I have two other assignments to do. We'll see. James would like it 'cause he could have the car. Charlie would like it 'cause he wouldn't be alone. Monty...may not like it, being as if I am at home he is more likely to be on fire.

So I've hunkered down in my little house with my books, laptop, cup of coffee, warm socks, hoodie, laptop, cbc in the background, candles lit ( our house smells really musty...I'm trying to combat the musty smell). Everything to make my study experience more comfortable.

And then the cat jumped onto the coffee table, and went to walk across it, which would be ok if he just walked across it. But instead he stopped, right over the candles. I assumed he would feel hot and keep going. Nope. Not until half the side of his body was flaming. Very briefly, but still, there was indeed a flaming cat on my coffee table a few minutes ago.

Burnt cat hair stinks.

Too much time to think

Yes, I still have an assignment to do. I can't believe I'm on here AGAIN. A little pathetic.

So, today. No classes, therefore, official work day. Great morning, very productive. Sat on the porch with my books and laptop and got lots done. James went to work around 12:30, and my day just went downhill from there...I worked for a bit, then I stopped to make cookies (a reasonable break). I didn't know it was possible to kill chocolate chip cookies the way I did today. They turned out HORRIBLY! And as for my non-stick pans...I disagree. I have one pan that is still covered with cracker-thin burnt "cookies" that I CANNOT get off except to chip them off in tiny pieces with a knife, also removing the "non-stick" coating. urgh. Anyway, that was a bit of a sidenote.

So, I got back to work for a bit, but I can only take sitting alone with my laptop for so long before I start to get bored and go crazy, so I visit facebook, I blog, I wander aimlessly around my house, I try to call a few people...

And then I just get really lonely. And I start to think about the fact that I haven't spent much time with anyone besides James lately, even though I know there are people in Hamilton who I would love to spend time with, and that there are groups of people I know who have gotten together this week, and I just feel like I don't know how to become a part of those relationships. Do I need to put myself out there better? And how? How am I so relationally-challenged? I just wish that on night's like this when I'm feeling crumby and going nuts from being at home all day there was someone I knew well enough to call up and be like "Hey! I'm going nutso from being alone! Wanna hang out?"
This is so ridiculous! I need to take "friend-making 101" or something.
Ok. Now that I've got that off my chest, I should do something productive...like scrape cookies off a pan :P Wanna help...?

Oh dear, it's started...

So, I'm working on my first assignment.

Am I allowed to have a nap? I want to go swimming. Or hiking. Or clean my kitchen/bathroom/livingroom/front porch/yard.

I swore I wouldn't let it happen this way this year...that I would just GET THE WORK DONE and not spend time distracting myself and procrastinating. I was doing SO well...I sat through ALL of the millions of pages of reading I had to do this week, and now I have to write 4-5 pages on it, and suddenly I'm thinking "There's lots of time between now and Monday afternoon to write 4-5 pages..." Even though I KNOW that Saturday and Sunday would be WAY more fun if I just hunkered down and got a lot done now.

But I still want a nap. Or a swim.

A Question...

I've been doing some interesting reading for one of my seminar classes, "Global Humanitarianism: The Paradoxes of Giving." Neat stuff. I came across a question in one of my readings that I am interested to see how people answer.

" When our passive feelings are almost always so sordid and so selfish, how comes it that our active principles should often be so generous and so noble? When we are always so much more deeply affected by whatever concerns ourselves, than by what concerns other men, what is it which prompts the generous, upon all occasions, and the mean upon many, to sacrifice their own interests to the greater interests of others?" - Adam Smith

I think for myself, and perhaps for others, it is a conscious awareness and dislike of my selfishness that leads me to intentionally act against it. For those of us coming from a Christian frame of reference, it is also because we have been commanded to love others and to consider ourselves as stewards of the resources we have been given.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Wow, I suck at blogging...

...but, every now and then I feel like rambling, and then I get this thought that I shouldn't bother because I haven't been keeping up with it, and I still haven't quite figured out what it's for. Is it for me to flaunt what I do and think? Or for other people to be involved in my life from a distance? And who's to say they care? I don't know, it's bizarre. But I'll do it anyway :P

I have thoroughly enjoyed this week. I'm kind of glad that the heavy house stuff let up a bit. Once we started putting the finishes on the floor, we couldn't walk on it for 24 hours after each finish, and 4 finishes x 24 hours each + working = not a lot of time spent on house. But it's been a far more relaxing week, and fun to see the floor progress. Today I can actually start walking on it with socks, so I'm thinking I may venture into the insane front bedroom that holds everything we own and try to dig out some of the kitchen stuff so we can start functioning normally in there. I can't wait to be living in one place. It's been great to have my parent-in-laws house to stay at, but sleeping in one place and working in another has been a little hectic, transporting the dog back and forth, and having to leave from one place and realizing that all of my shower stuff and make-up is at a different one...it will be very nice to be settled.

I'm a little overwhelmed at the prospect of school starting, even though I'm totally looking forward to the school part. I'm not sure how things will work out with James and I commuting in totally different directions with only one car...or if I'll have a job that will work out with my school schedule...or if I'll be able to balance school and handling a house that is under construction and just generally needs more maintenance because, well, it's a house. And then I think about the basic things that should just be part of my day like spending time with God and walking the dog and reading the newspaper and I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it cram them into the commuting, working, studenting life. Oh well! Just have to wait and see!

In other news, James and I are loving the church we've started going to in our neighborhood. It's funny that after a year and a half of church hunting in KW we found nothing, and in Hamilton, the first church we walk into (and we CAN walk, 'cause it's only 4 blocks from our house!) was a perfect fit. Very affirming. I'm really looking forward to getting more involved, and I love that this church is so outward focused, and involved in the community. Hurrah!

So....I should go do something with my day. The fact that I need to leave this house to go shower and get ready at a different house before I do the errands that our between the two houses has been a bit of a deterrent so far...but off I go. If anyone is around today and wants to visit, I'll be at the new house! Gimme a call! :)