Tuesday, February 3

Winter blaaaaah

Ugh. I am a big blob of negative non-productiveness.
I want junk food.
I want my sidewalk to shovel itself.
I want to feel in control of my life again. As in, able to fulfill my obligations. I am falling short left, right, and centre. I am behind with school reading, my house is a mess, my volunteer stuff is going nowhere, and I am resenting EVERYTHING I have committed to.
That is not true. I committed to James. I am not resenting him. He is being incredibly gracious as I sleep and cry and not contribute to anything.
I want cookies. And chicken wings. And pizza.
I want to be able to buy a plane ticket.

I want to stop wanting. Maybe I'll wish, instead?
I wish I was good at acting on the things that I know would help.
I wish I was better at spending time in prayer. I'm pretty sure it would help.
I wish I knew how people manage a full course load, part time jobs, sports teams and other extra curricular stuff, and remain sane and get good grades.
I wish I could stop comparing myself.

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