12 Days of Haydon, month 3

February.

This was my FAVOURITE! outfit. 

Hel-LO, gorgeous!

You'd think these people liked him or something...

Is there anything better than snuggling with a sleeping baby?

12 Days of Haydon - January

January.

One of the January highlights was a party held by a group of dear friends that I grew up among.

Ahh, January.  

A review of my facebook statuses (stati?) from January reveals a lot of trying to figure out how to be a mom, and being exhausted, and being overwhelmed with wanting my house to be clean and my baby to sleep.

Oh, and I wanted to be able to walk and stand comfortably and I wanted nursing not to hurt.

But, that's me.  

My son...

...he was busy being adorable.

12 Days of Haydon

My boy will be a year old in twelve days, can you believe it?

I've gotten pretty sappy sentimental as I think about the fact that my son is growing up and becoming independent and all that jazz.  Picking up his sippy cup on his own.  Taking steps.  Freaking out when I take away things he shouldn't play with.  A real live little personality developing in there.

So, I decided I'll do a little reminiscing.  In the twelve days counting down to his birthday, I'll do a photo walk down memory lane of each month of his life.

So.  Here's December 2009.

 You can read more about his horrible delivery blessed arrival here if you like

The first photo ever taken of my boy.  Under 10 minutes old. Nice nose, eh?

First hour in the hospital.

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...

In December...

We came home.

We did a lot of Christmas visitting (which was absolutely exhausting.  Next time I give birth, it had better be at least a month before a major holiday.  I was so tired and sore).

We participated in a Christmas Eve service in which my beautiful boy got to play the part of Jesus - and there were lots of misty eyes, I tell you (I really wish I had a digital copy of the picture!).

We went for our first family shopping trip.

We were surrounded by lots of helpful family and friends.

Sleep was as to be expected with a new baby.

Nursing sucked.

Come back tomorrow to see about January!

...'cept, I kinda still like stuff

If you've been hanging around here the past few days you'll know I've been pondering Christmas, and how to make it meaningful, and how to de-consumerize it.

Here's the thing.

I like stuff.

As a young family on a not-so-huge income, Christmas has always been the default time to get stuff we kinda need, or really want.  Need a new coat?  Christmas is coming...Can't quite rationalize a new gadget?  Wait 'til Christmas...

So, what happens when we de-stuff-ify Christmas?  

I guess it means I learn about contentment, about being thankful for what we already have, about being intentional with our budgetting in the future and buying it if it's something that we need or want enough.

But...

in the meantime...

Can I tell you about some of the beautiful things that would be on my wish list if I were making one?

A compost pot from Richard Fisher pottery.

We bought my mom one of these babies for her 50th birthday in October, and I have been hankering after one ever since.  Our usual green bin under the sink just gets so gross, and I hate having to bend down and open the cupboard every time.  This, this would sit on the counter and look beautiful while holding our organic waste, and would get emptied a bit more frequently.  The lid keeps the smell in and the bugs out, and well, I just really want one.

...

'k, so, now that I'm sitting down to do this, I can't actually think of much more stuff.

Well.  How refreshing.

And to think - I have a birthday in January! 

Gifts, and stuff

I had a brainwave this morning.

I don't know why this was so revolutionary to me.  It shouldn't have been.

I was thinking about Christmas, about celebrating, about being true to what it's all about (Jesus, in case you weren't sure.  He left Heaven and came down to our messy earth to make it possible for us to be part of returning the world to how it was intended).

Often, that train of thought ends with "we have to do Christmas without presents."  And then I feel like the miserly family member, trying to bring up the "we don't want it to be all about gifts this year..." conversation.

It hit me this morning.  Gifts and stuff are not the same.  We can give gifts without giving stuff.  We can give and give and give without buying, wrapping, accumulating.

Excessive giving doesn't need to be equated with excessive stuff.

What a glorious realization!  What a freedom!

Give!  Give!  Give!

Give because we have received SO much.  Give because our God gave of himself.

Give like he did - to those who needed it the most, to those who will appreciate it the most.

Suddenly giving at Christmas doesn't need to be finding the "right" gift to fit on the blank beside the tricky person to shop for on my list.  Suddenly it doesn't need to be spendingspendingspending to find that thing to put under the tree, that thing that might sit there for a week before we pack up Christmas and find the right corner to put it in, if we don't take it back 'cause it didn't fit.

I read a great idea over at www.aholyexperience.com that left me misty eyed and excited.  The writer shared what they do in her family on Christmas morning, without a gift exchange.  They get gift catalogs for various charities, and as a family pick out together the things they will give to those who need them most.  They think about what things they might want if they were in a different situation.

I absolutely love this idea.  I've known for awhile that I've wanted our Christmas not to revolve around gifts, but haven't quite figured out what that looks like, and how to make it fun.

This morning, I realized I do want our Christmas to revolve around gifts.  Great gifts, meaningful gifts, lavish gifts.

Just no stuff, 'k?

Christmas Change from Kujilana on Vimeo.

Advent

It's advent.  The season of waiting, expecting, anticipating, inviting, hoping.  My favourite season.

In advent we acknowledge our need.  Our brokenness.  The reality that our hearts long for something out of this world.

In advent we look forward as we look back.  We remember that Christ came to meet our need, to make us whole. We reflect on his love that fulfills our deepest longings.  Even though it's already happened, we say "O Come, O Come Emmanuel!" and invite him again to enter our world, as he did so long ago.

I have struggled recently with the reality that so many of the things that make me so affectionate toward Christmas don't have an awful lot to do with celebrating the birth of Christ.  They are certainly celebratory - stringing lights, baking cookies, wrapping gifts, singing carols, hot drinks in cozy rooms filled with the people I love the most.  But I have come to love these things more than the reason that we are celebrating.  I have come to celebrate these things, rather than using these things to celebrate.

I want to be filled with joy that Jesus entered into my world, came to rescue me from my brokenness.  Not that I have a day off that I can eat delicious food with my family.

I am torn.  These celebratory things are good.  I want them to augment my celebration of Christ.  I want him to be the focus as we give, as we eat, as we sing.  This is the challenge.  Part of me wants to say "No gifts!  No commercialism!  Jesus!  Jesus!  It's about him!"  It's hard to say "I give because of Jesus' gift..."  Hard to keep that at the center as I search for the right gift, in the right price range.  Hard to remember that Jesus left heaven to come and be with me, when I think of all of the functions and families I need to juggle on my few precious holy days.

There are a couple of great sites I'd invite you to check out as you approach Christmas this year.

The first is Advent Conspiracy, a movement inviting us to "worship fully, spend less, give more, love all" this Christmas season.  Some neat and thought provoking things on there.

The other is Christmas Change, another site challenging us to consider giving in new and different ways than the traditional consumer Christmas.  I was moved by a quote on the Christmas Change promo video that said "Spend less on those who don't need, give more to those who need desperately."

I'm going to keep pondering these things.  I'll invite you to join me in that, and in the coming days I hope to share with you some of the decisions we have made about Christmas and some of the ways we will anticipate and celebrate that Christ comes to us.

I leave you with this video from Christmas Change:

Christmas Change from Kujilana on Vimeo.

Morning Tunes

It's a good thing there's music in this life.  Not sure what I'd do otherwise.

We sleep less in this house lately then we did in Haydon's first month.  The only thing that made that month harder is that now I've at least got breastfeeding figured out, and I'm not in pain from labour.  

Last night was particularly rough.  We seem to have returned this week to a desire for playtime in the middle of the night.  I'd gotten to the point that I could handle multiple night wakings.  James would bring him to me, he'd nurse back to sleep, I'd wake up in a fog 45 minutes later and carry him back to his crib (I can't sleep when he's in our bed, otherwise we'd just cosleep).   Getting up multiple times had become manageable...but being up for 1-2 hours in the middle of the night I just can't handle.  Last night (this morning?), Haydon got up at around 2, we nursed, then he decided it was playtime...James came in at 3 and said he needed me to take over.  Then he went downstairs and made himself hotdogs????  I think I got him back down around 3:30, then we were up for the day at 5:30.

It's hard to remember that James and I are allies, not adversaries, in this sleep war.  We do a pretty good job of taking turns and supporting each other, but, as the sleepiness increases, so does the selfishness.  Thankfully, we are pretty reasonable and level-headed - even in our disagreements.  This morning, we both lay in bed with Haydon crawling all over us, discussing who's turn it was to get up.  James had gotten up the past two mornings...but my "sleep ins" still required me to be up by 7 and getting ready for the day.  He got to sleep in 'til 8:30 on Tuesday...I'm green with envy.  Learning that it's important to express my needs/desires at time other than when we're both exhausted, begrudging the thought of having to crawl out of our warm cozy bed.  Lunch will be a better time to say that I need a day for "sleep in" to mean more than sleep 'til I need to get up for work.

In general we've learned that discussing sleep needs and night strategies is the best way to make sure that we share the load and don't get resentful...'cause in the middle of the night, I'm pretty sure it's NEVER my turn.  Deciding as we crawl into bed who will respond when avoids those argusations about who's been up more in the night while the crying crescendos from the next room.

Back to the music.  There were literally tears in my eyes as I changed the diaper this morning and stumbled down the stairs.  I grabbed my ipod.  I have a playlist called "morning tunes."  I made it long before I had a baby.  The original thought was that these were songs that would set my mind in the direction I'd like my day to take.  This morning, as I was pretty sure it was impossible to care for this needy little being in my sleepy stupor, the song that came on first was an oldie but a goodie by Audio Adrenaline..."If I keep my eyes on Jesus, I can walk on water...", and a few songs later, the reminder that "strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord..."

And so, with music blaring, I will get through this day.  By the grace of God, I will love this teething boy and his snoring daddy.  Doesn't mean it's easy...