Resolutions, week 2

Holy Guacamole has it been a busy week.

I did a pretty good job of meeting my time goals regarding going to bed and getting up on time.  Not so much last night, but as my dear husband pointed out, when you don’t get off work until 9, it’s tricky to get home and be in bed by 10.

Starting this week, it should get a whole lot easier.

Why?

I got a new job!

With REGULAR HOURS!

That doesn’t involve working weekends!

I am SO glad and so relieved.  This will be so good for our family.

I’ll be working for the same agency, but in an administrative role rather than front line as I was before.  It’s a bit of a commute, but it is Monday-Friday, 8:30-4, weekends off, and that will be such a nice change.  My past schedule was a 4-week rotation including weekends and evenings, and it was getting tricky to figure out when we’d need a sitter, and just challenging to maintain consistency for Haydon.  This will be a whooooole lot better.

So, last week’s resolutions were to get up and go to bed on time.  This week I’m adding the next step (or previous step, in terms of bed time).

In the morning, the alarm is set for 6.  After the 6am news, the first thing I’m doing is heading downstairs with my Bible to spend some time in the word and pray over my day.  That’s this week’s resolution – spending time in scripture and in prayer before anything else.

The bedtime resolution is to floss.  Ok, not just floss, but to actually do all of those little self-care items that I often overlook, like flossing, and putting on eye cream, and all of those things that apparently will make a difference in 20 years.  And are just good for me.  That means heading to the bathroom by 9:45 so that I actually have time to do what I need to do in time to be in bed by 10.

So.  There ya have it:

Last week – get up/go to bed on time

This week – spend time in scripture first, floss

I hope you have a good week!

Resolve

It's a new year, the calendar tells me.

Do you make New Year's resolutions?

I haven't really made any huge goals, but I consistently am looking for ways to tidy up our lives and stay on top of things, and so I'm working on a little plan to try and make sure that the important things happen.

The plan is to write out all of the things that should happen in a day, jot down a rough schedule of what a day that includes all of those things looks like.

And then, because that would likely make me overwhelmed and just want to crawl into bed because I'm not close to actually accomplishing those things, I'll pick two to implement each day, one for the morning, one for the evening.  

Each week, I'll try to remember to tell you what it is I'm working into my day.

This week it's timing.  I'm going to work on getting up at a regular time (even if the dear boy is still sleeping, which will be my biggest challenge), and going to bed at a regular time.  I think I'll aim for a 6:00 wake up, and to be in bed by 10 (like, head on pillow, not heading toward the bathroom to start my night time routine).

Once I have my wake up and bedtimes down, I'll work on filling in the things that need to happen in between!

That Sleep Thing

I had kinda made a decision that I wasn't going to keep returning to the subject of sleep, 'cause everyone had probably heard me complain enough.

That said, we recently started some sleep training and I've had a couple people ask me about it, and rather than repeatedly answering intermittent questions here and there on facebook, I figured I'd get it all out once and for all for those who want to know.  The rest of you, stop reading, I guess.

As has been established, my dear boy has never been a huge fan of sleeping.  At one, we were still bouncing him to sleep for naps and bedtime, and he was waking up anywhere from twice to five times a night, his longest stretches of sleep maxing out around 4 hours (he did sleep through the night once...and occasionally he would sleep 6 hours, but those were pretty rare occasions).

So.  It was time to do something, 'cause we were becoming pretty cranky, disfunctional people.  Haydon, somehow, was perfectly functional and downright happy-go-lucky all day long, which completely baffles me, but, apparently he doesn't need as much sleep as I do.

I got EVERY possible book out of the library or from friends.  From Ferber to Weisbluth to Sheedy-Kurcinka to Pantly to Douglas, we've read it (and a couple others, I just can't remember their names right now).  We tried some things.  Didn't have much success.  Finally, my parents offered to pay for us to have a consultation with a sleep doula.

So, for too much money, we filled out a questionnaire about what our daily routines are, whether or not Haydon has any health issues, what we do to get him to sleep, how long he sleeps, etc etc.  The next day, we had a phone conversation with the sleep doula, she asked some more questions to clarify and expand on what we had stated in the questionnaire, and came up with the following:

- at 1, he should be able to sleep through the night without nursing

- he needs to be put in his bed awake

-he needs to learn to use "his own tools" to put himself back to sleep at night

The method she suggested to accomplish this is to stick with a consistent bedtime routine, put Haydon in his crib awake, tell him it's time to sleep and that we'll come and get him in the morning.  Then, we offer verbal support from somewhere where he can't see us - so, for us, just outside his bedroom door.  On the first night you talk consistently as long as he's crying, reassuring him, telling him he's safe and that it's time to sleep.  The second night you don't talk, but you shush as long as he's crying.  The third night, you shush intermittantly.

The first night James did it on his own, 'cause we were both worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it.  I slept at my parents, while he tackled the night.  Haydon fell asleep after about an hour.  He didn't wake up again until 2:30ish (which is huge - he usually wakes up at least twice before we go to bed at night, and again once or twice before 2:30).  It took him another hour to fall asleep at that point.  He woke up again at 6.  James (based on the sleep doula's advice) decided to stick it out because our goal wake up time is 7.  He cried for 50 minutes, slept for 10, then started the day.

The second night I put Haydon to bed and did the shushing.  He went to sleep after about 25 minutes.  He woke up around 11:30, and fell asleep after 15 minutes, and then again 2:30ish, and was up an hour that time.  He woke up just before 7.

Night 3...ugh.  Bedtime went well.  He fell asleep after 15 minutes, but was up consistently from 12:45-3:30.  That was long and painful and harrowing.  We got him out once to change his bum, gave him a good long hug, and put him back in.  Shortly after that (which was a good 2 hours in), James went in and laid on his bedroom floor, but didn't look at or talk to him.  He fell asleep about 10 minutes after that, woke up 7ish.

Last night.  Oy vey.  Again - huge bedtime success.  He didn't want to be put down, and was pretty clingly as I approached his crib, but he laid down, let me cover him up, didn't stand up as I left, and was totally out within one minute.  He slept 'til 12:30, but was then up for 2 hours.  The frustrating thing is, at first, he put himself back to sleep right away, and then 5 minutes later he was up again, and couldn't calm himself.  James went in and patted his back for awhile.   I eventually changed his bum, gave him a hug and put him back, thinking we could try a repeat of the night before, but he was screaming (not just fussing as he had other nights).  I gave in and nursed him.  He didn't fall asleep nursing, and we put him back down awake, and he fell asleep shortly after that.  Still semi-successful, I'd say, 'cause he did the falling asleep on his own.

I'm not sure where to go from here.  I've started putting him down awake for naps, and he isn't crying.  He plays in his crib and talks to himself, calling out occasionally.  He just took an hour to fall asleep, but I think that's progress.  I'm so happy that he's falling asleep on his own, but not sure what to do about the night -wakings.  I'm ok with nursing once or twice in the night, but not sure if he'll return to waking up more frequently if he expects that I'll nurse him, and not really sure I can explain to him "I'll do this once, but then that's it 'til morning."

The frustrating thing is that the sleep doula says that most children at this age have a hard time with the initial put-down, but not with night-wakings.  I'm not really comfortable just leaving him to cry and cry, and she says "He's just being feisty.  We know he can do it because he does it at bedtime."  I don't really like turning not sleeping into bad behavior at this time, because I'm not sure that he's able to rationalize it in those terms, and I know I certainly like having someone to cuddle with at night, so why shouldn't he?

So that's where we're at.  I think it's better than where we were a week ago, but I'm not sure that it will be any better a week from now, and James and I can't really handle being up for such long stretches in the night while trying to work and do school.  If you're a pray-er, please pray with us that Haydon figures out how to put himself back to sleep at night, and pray that we would have wisdom in knowing how to respond in the night in a way that won't cause us to return to a multiple wakings, but wouldn't leave us up for hours either.

A New Year's Name

I've been basking in some beautiful words lately at the blog of Ann Voskamp.

You should absolutely go and be there for awhile.

And take your favourite hot drink, and bask in her carefully chosen prayer-filled words.

Yesterday I read about how she names her years.

A beautiful idea.

And, considering I've been doing some new year's reflecting anyway, I thought I'd think about a name for the year.  A way of shaping it with meaning and intent.  A way to remind me where to focus.

As we busied ourselves about from place to place over Christmas, I became increasingly aware of one of my not-so-nice attributes.

I am a control freak.

I want things done my way, in my time, to achieve my ends.

The dear (poor?) Saint James had to do his holidaying with a frantic and frazzled woman, as I stressed about arriving on time, having the stuff organized to take to each gathering, leaving the house clean, fitting a nap in.

And then after all that was over (it didn't all happen according to my blueprint, but it all happened nonetheless), we sat down to prepare for a week of rest.

Yes.  I prepare for rest.  With a pad and paper and calendar.

Have I mentioned my husband is patient?

As we did some thinking and planning about the year to come, and talking about what's important to us, and important for us as a family, I kept realizing how much I struggle to be in control.

I also came to the realization that as the one who is working outside of the home full-time, there are a lot of things that will be beyond my control.

That's been a bit hard to swallow.  Especially as this dear boy is reaching a stage where he's so teachable, and growing and learning so fast.  I want to be a part of that.  I want to be directing that.

And, for the majority of the time, I can't.

And I can't determine how James will spend his days, and what things he'll prioritize, and what things might not get done.

And I need to make myself okay with that.

I need to release control.

And so, I've decided that this coming year will be the Year of Open Hands.  An open hand can only hold so much.  I need to be diligent and disciplined in taking care of the things that are mine to manage, and graciously release the things that are beyond my control.

I need to trust that as they fall from my open hands, they will fall into the hands of One who is capable of managing them far better than I, and whose outcomes are probably beyond my meager imaginings.

And so, I wave goodbye to the year that has been, and reach out for the good things the new year has to offer.

And, if I'm able to release my grip, and open my hands, I just might find them filled with good things.

Heavenly Holidays

My sweet St. James got me a new boxing-day sale laptop for my birthday (coming up in a couple weeks).

So, here I am, with a basket full of unfolded laundry and a cluttered dining table personalizing and getting to know the ins and outs of this new machine.

Nice to have my own.  Nice for James not to have to share his anymore.  Win-win, as they say.

And, as I have been blessed with this lovely machine, I feel as though I have a responsibility to use it well.  So, I hereby declare I will write at least once a week.  And by write, I mean write, write.  Like, intentionally and creatively and in a way that challenges me to flex some of my muscles, not just random blather like this.

But, since I'm blathering anyway, I might as well continue.

I'm on HOLIDAYS!

For 10 DAYS!

And SO IS JAMES!

And it's darn lovely, that's what.

We even sleep in, both of us at once, 'cause our crazy babe has decided that on days that he rises early, he'll go back to sleep around 7.  I could hardly believe it when we woke up a few days ago at 10:00.  It was like pre-baby bliss.  With the added joy of having a cute kid to cuddle with.

We're not doing much on this stay-cation, but it's been good just to have downtime in our home, and spend some time organizing our home, and some time thinking about what's important, and what the next year will look like, and how we'll make sure it looks like what's important.

I hope you have been able to have some good holiday time too.  If you're thinking about New Year's, and resolutions, here's a link to a great tool from Simple Mom to help you evaluate what's important and shape your goals.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

We have been having a blessed (albeit busy!) Christmas with our loved ones.

Hope you are too!

Happy Birthday, Haydon!

Well.  Life got the best of me in terms of the 12 Days of Haydon.  

I assure you, he did live past July.  And we did take pictures.  And it was wonderful.

It's been interesting to re-live in my mind the events of a year ago.  We were told our baby had some signs of distress in-utero.  Despite being deeply committed to a home birth, under the direction of a midwife and obgyn we decided to induce labour, fearful that there may have been something wrong with our baby.  14 hours later, we were blessed with one of the healthiest, happiest children I've ever met.
(More about that here)  

Last night, after he fell asleep, I snuggled him extra long, tears in my eyes as I considered the outcome of the labour I was in a year ago at that time.  The juxtaposition of those fears - some ultrasound indicators that could have meant Downs Syndrome, lack of movement, poor muscle tone - with the glorious and problem-free year we've had overwhelmed me, reminding me of just how blessed we are.

Here's a month-by-month of our boy, from birth to today.

moments after birth

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December - taken 2 weeks shy of his first birthday.

At one, Haydon is a pure delight. 

 He's one of the happiest kids I've ever met.  He babbles, and laughs and "sings" at times. 

 He is walking (almost running at times),and  has 4 teeth.  

He loves to eat bananas, grapes, avocado, cheerios, and rice cakes.  He points and says "MMM! MMM!" when he sees his favourite foods.

Haydon loves to hug.  When I come home at the end of the day he buries his face in my shoulder and pats my back.  He also does this with stuffed animals and dolls (he LOVES!) dolls.

Haydon loves music - he knows which of his toys make music, and will repeatedly press the buttons so that he has something to dance to. Last week, he went crazy for an animated video of  "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas", laughing, squealing and bopping up and down.

Haydon loves books (his mother's son!).  He will often go to his shelf and pull some down, then sit in a pile of books and flip through them.

Haydon loves electronics (his father's son!).  He loves the phone, or a remote control.  He will pick either up, hold it to his ear, and say "Da!" into it, then giggle and pass it to you.  He points remotes at TVs and presses the button.  He would spend all day playing with my iPhone if I let him.

Haydon-baby, we love you so much.  

I can't even imagine how much fun we'll have in the next year as you continue to learn and grow and develop your personality!

It's a privilege to be your Mom!