no rest for the weary

I'm going to whine.  And maybe cry.  And rant a little.  That's what blogs are for.

If I run into you today, I'll downplay it, and say "Oh, it's not that bad...you just need to change your expectations a bit.  We're managing fine."  And I suppose we are.  

But, seriously.

We need to figure out this damn sleep thing.

I say that as the parent who didn't do the getting up in the night.  

I honestly don't know how he does it.  It amazes me that he doesn't have melt downs in the day.  James brought him into me to nurse twice last night.  I check the clock when I take him back to bed.  Once at 1:45.  The second time at 3:30.  That's not even two hours in between, and I know James tried to soothe him for awhile before bringing him to me to nurse, so, if he was up, spent time with James, nursed, and THEN it was 3:30, he certainly didn't sleep long in between.  Oh, and did I mention he was up for good at 4?  Oh, and that I'm working 3-11 tonight and somehow have to support my husband in getting some homework done this morning so I can't just hide in bed all morning?  Oh, and that I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR MORE THAN 5 HOURS IN 9.5 FRIGGIN' MONTHS!

15 days to our weekend away...Not really sure what that will look like for my parents who won't be able to nurse him back to sleep.  Was going to try to work toward night weaning so that it would be easier for them, but, at this point, I do whatever I can to get however much sleep it'll get me.

The Early Bird Gets the Worm...

...but, I never really liked worms that much.

Ok, ok.  It's a metaphor.  As in, I could have a whole load of laundry completed by 7am if I actually use my time effectively.

But that's not likely.  Instead, I will sit here and listen to the coffee brewing and laugh at the little boy who keeps pulling himself up on my chair and playing with my toes.  Gosh it's hard to be annoyed with that jabbering little blue-eyed blondie.  Reminding myself about silver linings - the reason that I'm so stinkin' tired is because I have a really good job that I was at until 11 and a really great healthy happy anti-sleep baby who was up at 5.  Really.  Life is beautiful.

AND STINKIN' EXHAUSTING!

Ok, but also beautiful.  I just walked past our open window, and the smell of the ripe grapes just wafted in, and man that is a great smell.  Except that it means that I need to do something with those grapes soon.  Other than just sweep up the disgusting mess they make when they fall off the vine.  There's that beautiful/exhausting paradox again.  

Today is my Saturday.  I worked my first full 5-day week.  It was good.  I was really hoping to sleep in though.  But it's my turn.  St. James was up early yesterday morning. 

Being tired really clouds your judgment and rationality.  It brings out the selfish in me.  I need to be careful not to take advantage of that saint that I'm married to, 'cause if I was to say, at 5am, in my whiny tired voice "ughI'msoexhaustedandIworkedlatelastnightandIjustnursedhimanhouragoandIcan'thandlethis!" he would probably get up, despite the fact that he too is exhausted, and had the same amount of sleep as me, and got up early yesterday (while I slept in) and went to school and hosted a deacon's meeting and gave me a back rub when I got home from work. 

So, it's certainly not how I used to start days off.  I'm not sleeping in and rolling over and cuddling with my man.  But I'm pretty convinced it will be a good day.  It will probably include a nap around 8am, when I'd prefer to be getting up.  There will be a walk to Ottawa Street to pick up some care-giver friendly diapers (read - easy to use)I ordered from rediaper, and a wedding present from the fabulous AllSorts Gallery.  There will be a country drive back "home" (This is my favourite time of year to drive through the country!  The dried up corn stalks, the vibrant leaves, the afternoon sun in the fall sky leaving long shadows on the hills...ahhhhhh!).  There will be family, maybe a playdate with friends I've been out of touch with, and a wedding to cap it all off.  That is a whole lot of good things.  I think I'll take pictures to share them with you.

I hope your day is as good as mine.  And that the crappy stuff is balanced by blessings and beauty.

An early morning discovery - standing in front of the large shiny
 thing allows you to make music AND see your reflection!

Blogging...or not

Once upon a time, I blogged.  A lot.

Then I started working.  Life got a little busy (not as busy as it could be, but, still, busy).

There are all kinds of things floating around my mind that I would like to sit and blog about .

Like how God has been so good to us and provided me with good work.

And about how he has taken care of all the little details that I was worried about, like my boy not taking bottles, and child care, and scheduling conflicts.

I want to update you on our spending experiment.

And on our sleeping situation.

I want to blog about how much my boy had grown and changed and what a delight he is.

And about how I measure my success by my clothesline - like, how early I can get clothes out, and how silly I feel when they stay out all night (what will the neighbours think? gasp!)

I want to blog about maturity, and being a grown up, and the ways I've had to do some growing up lately.

And about how it's a bit of a challenge to work out what life looks like at home now that we've changed roles.

Each one of these are a post unto themselves.  But I really don't have time to sit and share.

See, if I'm going to survive, and thrive in this new workin' mama life, if I'm going to be able to love and care for the people that I live with and the people that I work with - 

I really need to spend time sitting with Jesus and do my reflecting in my journal, in his presence.

So, someday I'll blog about all of those things.

In the meantime, I'll get over my desire to prove to you that I am a deep, thoughtful, reflective person who's blog is worth reading...and go spend time with Jesus so I might actually become that person, by his grace at work in me.

Franny

Franny was (is) my cabbage patch doll.  We had matching jammies when I was little.

Franny didn't move out of my parents' house with me.

They just bought a new house, and are getting their house ready to sell.  This was sent to me today.

Hi Rachel. This is Franny. Its really hard to type when your thumbs are sewn to your fingers. Look it, Rach. We've been through a lot. I'm still not over being left in the parking lot of the waffle house in florida, and now you've left me behind again. Can I come for supper on Monday, to at least see your new place I love my Dad! (In other news, happy 28th anniversary to my Mom and Dad today!)

Funny Face

Do you ever just sit with the camera and keep clicking?

You should sometime.  

The results can be quite humorous.

This is why I got out the camera.  Thought the grandparents could use a pictoral hello.

But then...

  

Love this funny-faced boy so much.

Working Out

This work thing might not be so bad after all.

I had my first day back at work on Tuesday.  It went ok.  Things there haven't really changed, so that's nice.  It was hard to go, and I was a little teary for the first hour or so, but I did ok.  More importantly, so did Haydon.  He was a little clingy James said, and bed time was rough, but he hadn't slept well the night before, so he may have been that way anyway because he was tired.  I took my pump, pumped a bit after dinner (I work afternoon shifts, 1-9 or 3-11), and all was well.

Today's my second shift.  And, as much as I wasn't a huge fan of working afternoons and missing out on bedtime, there are definitely perks to working afternoons.  Like the fact that I've spent all day with my boys!  I was able to hang out a load of laundry, bath my kiddo, go for a walk with my main men, have a nice lunch, and put Haydon down for both of his naps.  He starts bedtime around 6, so, really, I'm only going to miss about 3 hours of his day.  AND he finally accepted a bottle, so James is able to give him milk before bed, and, there's not much to worry about!  I'll be able to spend a big chunk of the day with him, James will be able to work on school assignments while I'm around, and everything's gonna be a'ight.

That's a relief!

In other news...I've gone almost a whole week without buying stuff, kinda, sorta.  Ok, it was Saturday last week that we binged.  And tomorrow's Saturday.  And we're going to the Locke Street Festival tomorrow, so I really shouldn't be touting my success just yet.  And, the more I think about it, there have been some purchases this week.  We bought Haydon some jammies at Little Bird, 'cause sleepers are on sale right now and he's grown out of most of his.  And we bought him a winter hat, 'cause he'll need one of those (both legitimate, I'd say)...but we also bought some shirts 'cause they were just too darn cute to leave behind.  The other thing I bought was breast pads.  I've been trying not to, 'cause I have lots of reusable ones, but this is one area where I can't say I've found a reusable product that performs as well as the disposable.  I've tried.  Many times.  Like this week, the day I had the interview, when I noticed as I was heading out the door that I'd leaked through the wool pad, my bra, and my shirt.  Oh well, you win some, you lose some.  And, James really wanted pizza last night.  He bought it for us from his allowance, but it ended up costing more than he'd expected, and I'm a sucker, so I think we'll go halfsies with him.  Oh yeah.  There was also that ice cream maker James bought off kijiji.  He's such a nut.

Finally, next week I'm going join Bible Study Fellowship International again, and I'm so excited!  I went to BSF when I was in university, and really enjoyed it's approach to studying the Bible.  Really looking forward getting back into it again.

Have a lovely weekend!  Check out the Locke Street Festival tomorrow - should be a great time!  Haydon and I will be at the La Leche League's booth, helping with the boobie bake sale... :P

Extreme Breastfeeding

This post just may be "too much information" for those of you who don't breastfeed/don't want to hear about it.  You've been warned.

Haydon has recently embraced "The Pounce," which is absolutely hilarious.  When he gets up in the morning (if it's not ridiculously early and just one of us is getting up with him), he comes into our bed and we wake up slow together.  He crawls around and plays, pulls on his dad's chest hair, then will come rocketing over and dive-bomb my chest.  Or he'll crawl over, push his legs into a standing position and face plant onto a boob.  Then practice his standing up, with his bum going up and down, as he nurses.

The other day he was less interested in nursing, and more interested in playing, and as he crawled around he put a hand on my very full breast...and squirted his dad, a good 3 feet away, in the face.  He's also very good at  "The Pop and Spray" resulting in a high-powered stream that gets all over his face and clothes.

Ah, the joys.